Something About You
by MollyWollyRose
Summary: Leah is a snarky, successful lawyer. Jacob is the object of her wet dreams and dirty fantasies. They work at the same law firm and all should be right with the world... Except they hate each other. Blackwater Humor, Lemons in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1: My Goddamn Parking Spot

**Hi! I'm back with another alternate universe situation for our favorite couple! This has been in my head for awhile and I finally got up the guts to post it. BE GENTLE!**

**And I'm open to ideas, so don't be shy! **

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**Something About You: Leah is a snarky successful lawyer. Jacob is the object of her wet dreams. They work at the same law firm and all should be right with the world... Except they hate each other. Blackwater Humor, Lemons in later chapters.**

**Chapter One: My Goddamn Parking Spot**

**LPOV**

_-Ring-ring-ring-_

_"Wake up, Seattle! This is Mad Mike in the Morning here to give you the rocking-est beats to get you up and mov-"_

_BANG!_

I pulled the pillow over my head and turned my back on the probably now broken alarm clock. It was only a matter of time until...

"God dammit, LE-AH! That's the third damn alarm clock!" _-Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-SLAM! _Emily Clearwater, my cousin and best friend, burst into my room._ "_Now get the hell up, Lee."

"Gu' mornig... you to... Em..." I said from under the pillow. Suddenly, my nice warm comforter and sheets were thrown off. Without coming up from under the pillow, I searched for the bed clothes with my fingers, disappointed when I found none. "Mmmm. Leave me 'lone. I have time."

Emily knocked the pillow off of my head and I cringed at the sudden burst of cool air. "No you don't, Lee. I let you sleep in. It's 7:00 now. Now get the hell up." Sighing, I dragged my sorry ass off of my warm bed. Since I was beyond consciousness, Emily said nothing, but followed me to the kitchen.

Seth, my younger brother, was already there straddling a bar stool, drinking a big cup of coffee, and reading the newspaper. He was in his suit, ready to go to work. I noticed Emily was all dressed. She was wearing an emerald green blouse, a black pencil skirt with a slit up to here and her fuck-me-please stilettos.

"There better be some damn coffee, squirt." I said to my brother. "And what the hell are you wearing your fuck-me-please heels for?" I directed this at Emily. She smirked and stayed silent. Usually, this annoyed the hell out of me, but I was a bit preoccupied with the liquid caffeine in the coffeepot.

"Aww! Come on Lee! I'm taller than you. Get a new damn nickname." I pretended to think about it and shook my head.

"I am older than you. To me, you'll always be a Squirt." He rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Well that means you'll die first. So hah!" He smiled goofily. Emily snorted and let out an unattractive horse laugh, which made me even more annoyed.

"Get a new damn insult!" I grabbed a cup and poured the coffee into a cup. "And you should know better than to insult me this early in the morning. I'll get you back." Taking a big sip, I sighed in contentment.

Seth quickly finished off his mug of coffee and got his keys. _Smart move, Seth._

"Well, I'm off. Those students aren't going to teach themselves about sex." Seth grabbed his suitcase, waved cheerily, and walked out, locking the door behind him. After he left, Emily looked at me and sighed. I had finished drinking my coffee and was beginning to make scrambled eggs.

"What's wrong now, Em?" I took out the eggs, milk, pepper, and cheese. There was a clean bowl and whisk in the drying rack by the sink, so I grabbed them and began to crack the eggs. "And seriously, what's with the fuck-me-please heels?" She said nothing, so I raised an eyebrow. "It's Sam, isn't it?"

Emily worked at the same law firm I did, the Law Offices of Black and Cullen or 'the LBC' as we liked to call it. Her office was directly to the left of mine, but right across from Sam Uley's. What she felt for that guy was a pure crush; complete with the blushes, awkward conversations, and breathlessness.

Her new plan, titled Operation Get Sam To Fall In Love With Me, consisted of her wearing her sexiest outfits and generally flaunting her goods in front of him until he can't take it any more and fucks her like an animal in the company bathroom or proposes to her with a flawless, four carat, princess cut diamond hidden in her favorite chocolate cake after a great dinner at _La Bella Italia_. Whichever comes first.

Her words not mine.

So far, her plan wasn't as successful as she'd hoped it would be.

She nodded and I waited for her to continue, but she didn't. "Wanna talk about it?"

Emily shook her head forlornly and sighed. "If this outfit doesn't work today, be ready with the Chunky Monkey after your lunch break." She came to stand next to me by the stove. "Go get ready for work. I'll finish these."

Muttering my thanks, I ran to my bathroom, desperate to get clean. Once I stepped into the shower, I relaxed. The hot water relaxed my muscles, but instead of feeling tired, I felt re-energized.

Once I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off, I began to put on my make-up. A glance at my alarm clock startled me back into reality. "Mother-fuck! I should've woken up earlier. Shit, Shit, Shit!"

"Language, Leah!" Emily called from the kitchen, bored at my antics. I flashed the finger through my wall, snarling as I pulled on my black skirt. "I saw that."

I threw on a teal blouse and strapped on a random pair of heels from my closet. With the heels still on, I flipped across my bed, landing perfectly, thankfully, on the platforms of my heels. My cell phone, I-Pod, Blackberry, and wristwatch lay on my nightstand. I searched frantically for my purse, cursing like a sailor and snapping my watch on my right wrist.

"Your purse is in here, Lee." As fast as I could, I scooped my devices into a bundle and ran to get it. Emily held it out for me, and I dropped them in. Emily, ever the efficient one, had put up all of the ingredients for my scrambled eggs and passed me a granola bar. She had seen how I could get when I didn't have breakfast in the morning. "And don't worry, I'll sneak to Starbucks during my break and get us something."

We scooped up our briefcases and left the apartment. While Em pressed the button for the elevator, I locked the door. We stepped into it and as soon as the elevator doors slid open, we made a mad dash for my car at the front of the building.

"Late again, huh ladies?" Alec, our doorman called as we rushed past him. Emily nodded as she ran for the passenger's side of my Lexus. I jumped into the driver's side, inserting the keys into the ignition and tossing our bags in the backseat. I honked at Alec as we drove past and we began the race to the office.

"Phew. That's all the exercise I'm doing for this month. No more sleeping in for you." She patted her hair into place and glanced over at me. "You need to brush your hair."

"Wha-?" I said intelligently with half a granola bar in my mouth. I had it styled in a messy bun. I thought I looked okay. Emily's long hair was straight and shiny, as per usual. I swallowed my bite. "It's okay. Unlike you, I have no intention of seducing someone."

"Yes you do... At least not yet." Emily said in a sing song voice. I blushed and poked her softly on the side of her head. She giggled and shook her head as we pulled into the company parking lot. I turned the corner, ready to turn into my parking spot.

Before you ask, I actually do have a parking spot, with my name on it and everything. It was a prime location, next to the elevator and the vending machines. After Victoria Hunter had left the firm to 'pursue other interests' (which basically means that she got pregnant), her parking spot was up for grabs. We had a name drawing contest one day in the break room. Since Johnny, the mail guy who did the picking, had a huge crush on me, I used my womanly charms to make sure that he 'randomly' picked my name out of the hat. It isn't cheating per se, just upping the ante.

I guess it didn't look good for me when my name card was bright pink, which stood out against all the white index cards. But they didn't say what color paper our names had to be written on. _Loopholes people, loopholes._

My old parking spot used to be in the darkest corner of the garage, so I was thankful to win.

"WATCH OUT!" Emily shouted. I braked the car, causing an earsplitting squeal. Luckily, it stopped before it could hit whoever was parked in my spot. _Wait what the fudge cake! _I was confused until I saw the personalized license plate, which read _STDMFFN._

"Emily? Does that car belong to who I think it belongs to?" I asked slowly and calmly through gritted teeth. Em noticed my expression and hastened to calm me down.

"It may not be him. I mean, lots of people own fully restored navy blue Aston Martins with black interior and tinted windows." She faltered off uncertainly. I nodded, and continued to drive, flashing the finger at someone who was honking at me from behind.

"Don't worry Em. I'll park somewhere else." My anger was waiting to bubble out. I found another parking spot near the elevators and stopped the car. I passed my keys to Emily. "Can you get our stuff? I'm just going to go take care of this."

Without waiting for a response, I got out and slammed the car door. My heels clacked angrily against the smooth concrete as I strode purposefully to the elevator. A whistle sounded from the direction of Emmett McCarty's car and I flashed him the finger. "I'm going tell Rosalie you did that.

The elevator doors opened and I waited for the couple inside to pass me by before stomping into it myself. I punched the button for the 25th floor and tapped my foot angrily as the doors closed slowly. With each level the elevator rose, my anger seemed to become more volatile. _Oh, he's gonna get it. He will die... Or at least move his goddamn car._

The doors slid open to the hallway in front of the office. I pushed open the glass doors angrily. Gianna, the kindly old secretary, looked up with a smile. "Morning Le..." She sighed heavily, shaking her head. "He did it again, didn't he?"

At my curt nod, she sighed again as if I was giving her a migraine, which I did frequently whenever something like this occurred. "Don't yell too loudly; remember what happened last time." She warned.

Stomping angrily to his office, I could hear snippets of my co-worker's conversations as I passed.

"Gianna sent an emergency e-ma..."

"Oh, not again. Tell me he didn't..."

"Parking spot..."

"We might have to interv..."

"I wish they would k..."

"Here it goes again. Every damn week..."

"You'd think he'd learn..."

I made it to my destination and pounded on the door. At the silence that greeted me, I checked to see if the door was unlocked. It was.

Throwing open the door; I opened my mouth, ready to yell. Jacob Black was sitting at his desk, nonchalantly flipping through a file, as if he hadn't just taken my mother fucking parking spot. I strode to the front of his desk, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for him to say something. He looked up with a panty dropping smile.

_Okay, so the guy is sex on legs. And just thinking about his hair causes me to cream my panties. And looking at his eyes makes my insides turn to goo. And looking at his smile makes me want to smile back._

Jacob Black was the bane of my existence and also the most handsome creature walking this Earth. And when he pulled stunts like this, it only made me angrier because I couldn't decide whether to throttle him or kiss him. But before I can 'accidentally' trip and land on his lips, he opens his perfect mouth, and I remember my murderous intent.

"What's wrong, Leah? Anything I could help with?" He leaned forward, giving me a _really _good look at his big, manly chest, covered only by a thin, blue button down shirt. Before I could begin my drool fest, I narrowed my eyes.

"Don't 'Leah' me! Y-You know exactly what you did!" I sputtered furiously. "I thought I told you before not to park your disease ridden, not-so Mystery Machine in my fucking parking spot. Unless your name is Leah Clearwater, you shouldn't be in it." My chest heaving with calming breaths, I waited for him to respond. "SAY SOMETHING!"

"You're hot when you're angry." He said, giving me a wolfish grin and standing up. He towered over me by at least a foot. Even as he leaned over the desk, I had to crane my neck to glare at him. His cologne and man scent wafted to my nostrils, and I had to lock my knees to keep them from buckling. I decided to ignore his sexy voice and continued to glare.

"Don't park your little gay car in my spot again, or I'm totaling it." Jacob looked kind of hurt for a second, and then shook it off. That cocky grin I liked so much came back in full force and he chuckled.

"My car is not gay. Do you want me to prove it? One little cruise in the backseat will have you thinking otherwise." _Well that blows. I'm going to have to change my damn underwear and it isn't even ten 'o' clock yet. Good thing I keep spares in my desk drawer. _I snorted as if my thoughts weren't in a gutter and backed up a little.

"As if, Black. I might catch an STD just by standing near it. Go ask one of your little whores to do it. I'm sure Bella will be more than willing to drop her panties for you." He narrowed his eyes and walked around his desk to stand next to me. Well, more like stomped, really, because of his immense size. We were chest to chest, or rather, chest to nose.

"Oh, come on, Clearwater. No one told you to walk in on us. You were supposed to be on a lunch break." _The image of the future Mrs. Edward Cullen sucking him off is as clear in my head as the day it happened. The word 'cum' is enough to have me screaming in the dead of night. And not just from fright... _

I smirked evilly. "I thought I told you, Black, I decided to stay in to catch up on some work. It's a good thing I did, too. If you don't move your ass out of my parking spot, I'll tell Edward that you're fucking his fiancée."

"Oh, please. Like it isn't common knowledge around here that Edward's banging his secretary." I glared at him. _I thought he had forgotten about that! _I stomped my foot angrily and began to poke him in his hard, muscular chest, using my last resort plan.

"Get." _-poke- _"The." _-poke- _"Fuck." _-poke-_ "Out." _-poke- _"Of." _-poke- _"My." _-poke-_ "Mother."_ -poke- _"Fucking." _-poke- _"Parking." _-poke-_ Spot"."_ -poke-_ "Man-whore." _-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke_. He rubbed the spot where I poked as I resisted the urge to cradle my hand. We had a stare off for what seemed to be ten minutes. Jacob finally flashed an angelically innocent smile and spoke.

"Nope." He replied, popping the _-p- _childishly. "It's too much fun seeing you angry and worked up. And I prefer the term 'Stud-Muffin.' 'Man-whore' sounds a little mean." I snarled and was about to lunge for his throat when someone cleared their throat and we turned toward the sound.

Sam Uley was standing in the doorway with a box of files in his hands. _If Sam is right there, then Emily... _

"Leah! You haven't killed him yet? This means that those anger management tapes are working." Emily appeared next to Sam and he gazed down at her with pure adoration and lust, but Emily didn't seem to notice. _God help me, those fuck-me-please heels actually work. If those two don't screw each other soon, I'm going to go crazy. _She had nothing in her hands, so I assumed she put our briefcases and purses in her office.

"No, he's alive. For now." I turned to glare at him again. "I want that damn car out of my parking spot, or I'm shoving it up your ass." Jacob crossed his arms, giving me a mini heart attack at the sight of the tattoo on his upper arm, plainly showing through his shirt.

"Not the parking spot again." Sam groaned and brushed past me to get to Emily and she could barely contain her delight. Frustrated, I threw my arms up in anger and screeched in the manner of an overdramatic teen in the soaps I like to watch on my days off. Em sensed my distress and pulled my arm to get me out of the office.

"By lunchtime, Stud Muffin, or I'm castrating you with a rusty spoon." Before he could respond, we turned the corner and entered Emily's office. She shut her door and deposited me on her desk chair. Emily looked at me for a long time, and then she finally spoke.

"I think that went well. Last time, you tried to attack him with a stapler. Remember, Sam and Paul had to wrestle it from you?" Emily said brightly.

"I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids..." I said, waving my fist jokingly. I checked my wristwatch and got up. "Sam was all over you." I shuddered, remembering the lusty look her had given her. No one likes to think about their relatives doing 'that.'

"He was?" She started to bounce, which I thought was impossible in four inch stilettos. "What did he look like? Spare no details."

"Emily, I don't think it was possible for his eyes to get as wide as they did. He looked like he wanted to attack you."

"Really Lee? You mean it?" I nodded.

"Yup. Scout's honor." Emily squealed and clapped her hands.

"He's getting closer! Okay now I have to plan my next strategy. So you've got to get out!" She threw me my purse and briefcase and escorted me the whole three seconds to my office to 'make sure I didn't go back and kill him.' Emily waved and practically pushed me through the door of my office.

Laughing, I took off my shoes, settled into my desk, and began to work.

_Yep, just a normal Monday morning._

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	2. Chapter 2: Bodily Harm

**CHAPTER TWO! Jake's POV! **

**Tell me if you like it!**

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**Chapter Two: Bodily Harm**

**JPOV**

The door shut with a resounding slam. The area Leah poked on my chest was still tingling, and I smiled.

"Why do you do that?" Sam set the box down on the floor and started adjusting his blue tie. "One of these days, Leah Clearwater will decapitate you, starting with your overactive libido. And since she's a damn good lawyer, she'll probably get away with it."

"How'd you know she said that?" I remembered the line she delivered to me last Wednesday when I parked in her spot for the umpteenth time. _I guess today would be umpteenth and one. That's a new record._ "My door was closed."

Okay. So I liked her. Sexy, intelligent, clever, were all words to describe her. I think it all started when she first started here, three years ago. Leah worked a high profile case in her third year at Yale Law. My uncle and Mr. Cullen were so impressed with her; they offered her a position here after she graduated.

I, being me, thought that she would fall head over heels for me at first sight. _I mean, who wouldn't? _So I tried to flirt with her on her first day.

Let's just say she's as much of a tigress out of the court as she is in it. That mark on my cheek wouldn't go away for weeks. Sam, my best friend, got a great laugh out of that one.

"I didn't. I just guessed." He finally tore the tie off and unclasped a couple of buttons, giving me an unwanted peep-show. "How does this look?"

Sam was seriously starting to annoy me. After Leah's cousin started here, he declared his love for her, spent countless hours waxing eloquent about the wonders of her exquisite beauty and set about 'making her his.' _His words, not mine. _I noticed that Emily was starting to dress more like the secretary from that porno we once watched in high school, but I wasn't going to tell him. If I had to spend half of my time rubbing one out in the bathroom from one Clearwater cousin, he had to do the same for the other.

So basically, we were screwed either way.

"You look like you escaped from the crazy home for former male models." I said sarcastically. "Or that you're in an early mid-midlife crisis."

"Awe man. But do you think Emily will like it?" He rebuttoned his shirt and began to redo his tie. "Did you see the way she was looking at me? I think my plan is working."

"So you're going to continue to ignore her and pretend like she doesn't exist? That's a great way to show you care. Why don't you buy her a puppy and then kick it too?" I shut down my computer, finished with my paperwork for the time being.

"Oh no! You're right! What if she thinks I hate her and decides to date another man? I'll die, I tell you, DIE!" He sulked out of my office, with me close behind him.

"Man up, dude. You're getting tears all over the industrial carpeting." He waved a hand at me as he went to go sulk in his office.

I'd told Emmett that we'd meet up for lunch, so I pulled on my coat and began the trek toward the elevator.

When I passed Leah's office, I couldn't resist the urge to mess with her a little. I threw open the door and settled myself on the comfy couch across from her desk. She was finishing up a phone call and scowled in my direction. It was obvious that she didn't want me near her at that moment.

"Yes Mr. Cullen... "What time?"... "Well what is it about?"... "Okay, I'll tell him." ... "Goodbye sir." She hung up and glared in my direction. "Cullen wants us upstairs after lunch for some top secret meeting. And get your filthy feet off of my couch, Black."

"Ma'am yes, ma'm." I mock saluted her and sat up. "I love it when you get all forceful. Wanna test out the couch? I'm sure the springs can handle it." I leaned back, waiting for the threat of bodily harm that was coming my way.

"Do you want a broken arm?" I shook my head and smirked. "Then get the hell out. And while you're at it, move your goddamn car."

"Nah, I'm good." She rolled her eyes and began to type something.

"Why are you here anyway?" Finally, she looked straight at me. Her hazel eyes burned through my own brown ones. "I thought I told you that you give me a rash."

"Oh really? I distinctly remember you saying you'd get a venereal disease." I pretended to tap my chin in thought. "That sounds nothing like a rash."

"Get out of my office, Black." She got up and opened the door. "And move your car. I'm going to lunch with Rosalie today and when I get back, that motorized genital wart shouldn't be there."

"Now why do you always call my car names? It likes you. Like me, it craves your 'special' attention." Her eyes rolled heavenward and her lips moved as if she were saying a prayer.

"Get out." She said in a weary voice. "And please move your car. Oh, and don't forget about the meeting after lunch."

"Okay Clearwater. But I'll be back." I said in an Austrian accent, something I knew annoyed the crap out of her.

Before I saw the door close, I thought I saw a hint of a smile grace her perfect, pink lips. I looked down at my little problem and unearthed my office keys. _Time for another session, Jake Jr. Good thing I have a private bathroom._

I made my way back to my office, sighing.

_Just a typical Monday afternoon._

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	3. Chapter 3: Lunchtime Gossip

**CHAPTER THREE! I just want to say thanks for all of the great support I've been getting. It really gets my creative brain juices flowing!**

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****Chapter Three: Lunchtime Gossip**

**LPOV**

It was around noon, a couple hours after 'Stud-muffin' left, when someone knocked on my door. "Come in!" I yelled, never taking my eyes off of the e-mail I was typing.

"Hey Leah! I heard what happened this morning." Rosalie Hale opened the door and immediately stretched herself out on my couch. "Jesus, this thing is so fucking comfortable, it should be illegal. Anyway, since Jacob and Emmett are causing mayhem in Jasper's office this very minute, I would assume you didn't kill him."

"You know what they say about people who assume..." I grumbled. "And Emily wouldn't let me."

Rosalie Hale was my other best friend. She had long, naturally blond hair, a body that was curvy in all the right places, and vibrant blue eyes. Her twin brother, Jasper, who works in the accounting office on the fifteenth floor, was an exact replica of her only in boy form of course. Whenever they were together, it hurt my eyes to look at such golden perfection.

Rose usually had a serious demeanor, but once it cracked, she could almost be as snarky and lovable as me. She broke a lot of hearts when she decided to marry Emmett straight out of college. It almost seemed like it wouldn't last for a while, but they are still going strong after six years. Thankfully, there was no office romance since Emmett worked in the mayor's office ten floors below us.

"Hey, do you think Alice knows anything about that meeting Carlisle called. He told Jacob and I to be there after lunch. You?" She shrugged in confusion, so I figured that they hadn't called her.

"Maybe they've finally found out about the stapler incident. You're gonna get fired to-dayyyy." She said in a sing song voice. I threw a pad of Post-Its at her head.

"If they do, then I'll sue the hell out of them. Or I can just lift my skirt and give old Marcus Volturi a peepshow. I bet I'd keep my job then." Rosalie nodded in pride.

"You're gonna give him a heart attack." She swiped an imaginary piece of lint on her dress and giggled as I glared at her. "You, my friend, are a closet slut. Embrace your inner-slut, Lee. I embraced mine and I've gained inner peace and a husband who can..." Throwing my hands over my ears, I shook my head at her. I clicked the button to send my e-mail. Hurriedly, I put my computer in sleep mode and got up.

"Ready for lunch?" She nodded and picked up her purse."Let's go get Emily first. We're going to that new Mexican restaurant,right?" Rosalie nodded. I shut the door to my office and locked it.

Emily was just coming from the bathroom when we walked out. "Hey! We're still on for lunch?"

Rosalie hugged her and we began to walk to the elevators. "Yes, I want to hear every detail of your seducing plan."

"Of course, Rose. Does Alice have anymore gossip for us?"

"Ooooh, yeah. I need to hear more about the Bella-Edward-Tanya thing. You know, it won't be long until those two harpies get into a cat fight." Our elevator stopped on the first floor and we walked out into the lobby. Rose and Emily laughed. "I'm serious. I might tape it. How many views do you think it will get on YouTube?"

"Of course she does." Rosalie replied to Emily, ignoring my comment. "She and my brother are having a quickie in a few minutes, so she said she'd meet us there." Rosalie led us to her car, a red convertible, and we jumped in. As we passed the rest of the cars to get to the garage exit, I noticed that fuckhead still hadn't moved his damn car.

I must have growled, because Emily leaned forward and covered my eyes with her hand. "Emily. I've already seen it. I'll talk to him later."

"He likes you, you know." Rosalie said from the front seat. "I think he keeps bothering you because you keep reacting. I bet if you ignored him, he'll quit."

"He likes you, he likes you, he really, really likes you!" Emily sang childishly. I plucked the side of her head and laughed when she cried out in pain. Rosalie just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

We arrived at the new Mexican restaurant, _Tapas Cantinas, _and parked the car. Once we entered and gave our party name to the hostess, we were seated at a cozy, forest green booth.

The waitress, a pretty girl named Bree, had just taken our drink orders and walked away when I was attacked by a set of strong skinny arms. Alice had arrived.

"Leeeeahhhh! I heard what happened! Are you okay?" She cried. Alice was an energetic little thing, with jet black hair styled in a pixie cut. She had impeccable style, and her closet was always filled to the brim with the latest in office-wear. Alice was adopted, the second child of Carlisle and Esme Cullen, Edward being the first. It was because of her looks and personality that I affectionately nick-named her 'Tink.'

She and Jasper were going out, but she was trying to keep it a secret. You know how well that's working out. Rumors are always flying at the LBC.

Alice Brandon was also a conniving spitfire. If anyone could help me move Jacob's car, it was her.

"Quick, Tink." I started when our virgin lemonade margaritas arrived. "How do I get Jacob to move his car?" She thought for a few moments, then pulled out her I-Phone. Alice punched a few numbers and put the phone to her ear.

"Jazzy, baby. Tell Jacob to move his car out of Leah's spot." He must have started arguing with her because Alice narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice. "If you don't make him do it, then I'm not getting the whipped cream for tonight. You know how much you were looking forward to that."

I heard a grumbling noise then Alice smiled. She hung up and threw the phone back into her purse. "It's done. By the time we get back, your spot will be empty. But you're gonna have to sneak out and get the whipped cream for me. I used up my only off-period at the Chanel sample sale last week."

"No can do, Shortie. I used up mine to visit my dad." Alice stared helplessly at Rose and Emily.

"Grocery run." Emily.

"Quickie with Emmett." Rosalie.

Alice groaned. It was weird seeing her unhappy so I thought up a quick plan. "Maybe Gianna will do it. I heard she gets three off-periods." Since Gianna adored Alice, she would do it. Crisis averted.

"Now that we've solved that problem... Do you know what that big meeting after lunch is all about?" Our food had arrived by then, so I dug into my enchilada. Alice took a demure bite of her salad and wiped her mouth.

"Marcus is retiring, so they need people to plan the party. They told me to come too." Alice started to squeal. " We'll be party planning buddies! Yay."

"Nope. Jacob has to help too. Cullen said something about bonding, or some bullshit." Alice dimmed a little, then stole a tortilla chip off the appetizer platter.

"Then you're on Jacob patrol. Just keep him busy and I'll perform my magic." She paused and smirked mischievously. "If I leave it up to you two, there's gonna be beer and _-shudder-_ store bought food. I'll get my mom to help me." Esme was a famous interior designer, awesome cook, and an all around cool mother. Alice had inherited her perfect style and decorating ability from her. Because Esme was so fabulous, I didn't even protest at Alice's dig, which was probably 100 percent true.

"Ooooh! Tell Esme to bake those awesome dark chocolate chunk cookies. I've been craving those for forever." Emily begged. Alice pulled out her I-Phone and made a list.

"Any more requests?" We all began spouting off food ideas and color schemes." Alice typed them all down like a pro and groaned.

"You guys are so helping us make all of this." She gestured to the three page long list. "But I guess I have an excuse to go out to get the chocolate sauce today."

We were finishing up our entrees and perusing the dessert menu when Rosalie spoke. "Any gossip on the 'Bitches?'

"Yeah, Ally!" Emily chimed. "Spill the dirt!"

"Will I get in trouble if I tape their cat-fight?" Obviously me.

"Okay. And no, Lee, I don't think so." We quickly gave Bree our order and waited until she was a safe distance away before Alice spoke again.

"So you know how my office is directly in between Bella's office and Edward's office. It has that little vent thing?" We nodded and she continued. "Well, yesterday, I heard... noises... if you will."

"What kind of noises?" Emily asked, taking a bite of her brownie. We all stared at her until she blushed. "Oh. Those noises."

"So it turns out, Bella is having an affair with James, the janitor dude. But what she doesn't know is that James was the one who got Victoria pregnant." Alice took a sip of her margarita and sighed.

"Damn that girl can get around." I had already told my friends about the accidental 'porno' I had walked in on with Jacob and Bella. "James, Jacob, Edward... Who's next?"

"Anyway, after those two finished, I heard Tanya sneak into Edward's office. They had their little quickie while Bella was just two offices away!" She took a breath and continued. "But what neither of them know is that Tanya is banging James, Edward, and Marcus at the same time. That slut just won't quit."

"Bella just thinks that Tanya is trying to steal Edward away from her. You know how loaded Edward is. Bella probably figures that he's her sugar daddy. She wouldn't want anyone stealing her meal ticket away. She and Tanya have an eighty percent chance of cat fighting in the near future."

Rosalie shook her head, her blond curls gently swaying from side to side. "That's a damn shame. That gold digging' slut." Emily nodded her affirmation.

"I haven't told you the best part." Alice said, and we leaned forward in anticipation.

When she finished, we were blown away. But one thing was clear.

_I have to do something._

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	4. Chapter 4: No Effin' Around

**Okay, I'm proud to say that I am on a roll. I've been writing like crazy and your reviews really help me, so keep it up! It's like the fanfiction version of a symbiotic relationship. You review me, and I give you cool chapters. I do need help with something though.**

**As you all know, I have another story titled 'Playing Fair.' People have been PMing me like cah-razy asking me when I'm going to update it. But I have a serious case of writers block and can't do anything. (I guess if it ain't got lemons, my imagination's not as active.) So if you have any ideas of what you want to see happen, please tell me in a review or a PM. As long as I have a base idea of what I want to do, I can make it look sparkling and pretty.**

**So please help and as usual, READ AND REVIEW!**

**

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****Chapter 4: No Effin' Around**

**JPOV**

The football game from last night was on a rerun in the background. Emmett, Jasper, and I continued to argue as we nursed our drinks and nachos.

"No! I don't want to move my car damnit!" I said. "Messing with Leah is too much fun. And her spot is pretty fucking awesome. This morning was the first time I was able to get a Kit Kat bar from the vending machines without getting winded. Walking up those garage stairs is no joke."

"Jake please! Alice is making me. If you don't do this, you selfish dipshit, then that means no happy time for Jasper and Alice. And Jasper _loves _his happy time with Alice." Jasper punctuated his statement with a sip of his red wine. _Okay, Alice really has gotten to him. Who in the hell drinks Cabernet at a sports bar. What a douche. I mean that in the best possible way of course._

Emmett slapped my back and took a sip of his beer. "Yeah dude. You gotta move."

"Now you too?" I asked, feeling betrayed. "Thanks a bunch, Emmett."

"Do you know who my wife is?" Emmett groaned. "If Alice isn't gonna give Jazz any, then Rose isn't likely to tonight. And Emmett _loves _his Rosie time." Emmett imitated Jasper's saying in a slightly high pitched voice, causing us to laugh uproarously. The old men in the booth in front of us gave us dirty looks.

"So let me get this straight, if I don't move my car out of Leah's spot, your chicks won't give you any?" They nodded. The waitress came by with our steaks. As she placed them, I couldn't help but notice that she was swinging her breasts in my direction. _Oh, to be young, attractive, and sexy. It's a tough job but someone has to do it._

"Is there anything else I can get you boys?" She asked, winking at me. Emmett and Jasper said no, I said nothing. After she walked away, we ate. No more was said about the parking spot, thankfully.

When the waitress came back with our checks, Emmett paid. (He ate the most food anyway.) Jasper pulled out his phone suddenly, no doubt a text from Alice.

"Shit. She wants me back at the office. Gotta go!" We barely had a chance to say good-bye as he rushed out of the door.

"He's so pussy-whipped. Who knew a 4'11 fairy princess like Brandon could be such a drill sergent?" Emmett joked. He pulled on his jacket and shot me another glance before leaving. "Oh, and move your car, or I'm going to have to sit on you. If I'm in trouble tonight because of you, you're gonna be sorry."

"Oh. I'm scared." I replied in a bored voice. Emmett could do no harm. He was built like a wrestler, but had the fluffy, warm insides of a teddy-bear. We fist bumped and he left the bar. I got up and decided to go back to the office early. But before I left, I had to pee.

I had finished up my business and was walking out of the men's bathroom when I ran into someone. "Shoot. I'm sorry." Then I caught a whiff of her perfume, and I almost melted on the spot.

"Leah?" She looked up. "What are you doing here?"

"I have to talk to you." Without a further warning, she pushed me into the woman's bathroom and locked the door. Since there were no women in the bar at this hour, we were safe.

"Awww. You've finally come to tell me that you can't live without me, that I'm your hearts breath and you can't imagine another second without telling me how you feel?" I smirked and readjusted my tie, leaning in for a joking kiss. She huffed and pushed me away.

I couldn't help the wave of disappointment that hit me when she did that.

"This is serious." Leah paced the ceramic tile of the bathroom floor. Her heels made a weird sound as she did. "When was the last time you and Bella Swan hooked up?"

"Why? Do you want a threesome?" She curled her hands into fists and glared at me. "Look, I don't know where this is going, but the last time we hooked up..." I thought for a moment. "The last time was when you walked in on us. Sorry to say Clearwater, but that was sort of a dampener on the mood, if you get my drift. Why do you ask?"

"Alice." Of course. "Today, at lunch, she showed us something. Her office is directly next to Bella's and there's a vent that allows her to hear everything that's going on. Bella's planning something big, and it involves you."

"What's going on?" I was all business now. "Tell me."

"Alice heard her talking about it, but she showed us the concrete proof." Leah pulled a folded sheet of paper from her purse and opened it. "It's an e-mail to her goldigging mom back in Florida. You know, the cougar that married the man-slut baseball player that puts you to shame? I can't believe that dirtbag would do something like this to you."

She passed me the paper and I read it quickly. "So she...?"

"Exactly. Edward's infertile! Can you believe it? But she's trying to get pregnant by another man so when she marries him, she can get more money in the divorce that's bound to happen."

"Does Edward know?"

"Nope. That's what Alice heard in her office yesterday. When Edward went to the doctor to get checked out, she opened his results before he could see it and got some doctor in Forks to forge a new one. Edward thinks he's as healthy as a horse."

"And if and when she gets pregnant..." Leah nodded.

"Edward will think it's for him. He still thinks that Bella is an innocent virginal flower." I looked at her quizzically. "Alice's words, not mine. But the point is that Edward isn't going to want to get a DNA test on the baby."

"Which means Edward will be left with itchy balls and huge alimony payments." I finished. She gave me a weird look, but then shook her head as if she decided not to comment.

"The point is, I'm warning you to stay away from her. You may be a douchbag, man-whore, parking spot stealer, but for some strange reason, I like you Black."

"Thanks. I'm really feeling the love, Clearwater. And you may be a sarcastic, mean spirited witch, but I like you too." Leah gave me a small smile. She was about to say something more, but a knock on the door cut her off.

"Shit. We have to go." I grabbed her arm.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah." She finally said after glaring at me suspiciously. I let go of her arm, and crossed my arms. If she hit me, I could protect my face, which was her favorite area to go for when fighting.

'The Stapler Incident' really was useful for something.

"Come with me to get tested today?" And her mouth dropped open in shock.

"Hell. To. The. No." And she walked out. I followed her, naturally.

"Please Leah! Who knows what diseases that trife **(AN: Sorry! My friends have been using trife to describe everything and now it's infected me.)** cow might have?"

"That, Jacob, is the consequence of thinking with your dick instead of your head."

"I won't park in your spot again!" That caught her attention and she turned to look at me, indecisiveness written all across her face.

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	5. Chapter 5: The Things We Do

**HEY! I'm back and here's a new chapter for you.**

**Many of you have been asking about the infamous 'Stapler Incident,' so I decided to write my very first outtake and publish it after I finish. I would have had it as a flashback, but an Outtake is a much better way of giving information without detracting from the actual storyline. **

**Once I finish Chapter Six, I will post it first and then post the Outtake the next day, so be on the look-out. I decided to finish Chapter Five so y'all aren't kept in suspense over the state of Jake's wonderful, beautiful, pretty, panty-creaming manhood. **

**Not that I've spent hours thinking about how much more impressive his is compared to Edweeb's. Just sayin...**

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****Chapter 5: The Things We Do...**

**LPOV**

"I can't believe I'm doing this." I grumbled from the passenger seat of Jacob's Aston Martin. He was whistling like that cat that swallowed the canary. "And shut the hell up!"

He stopped, thankfully. "What's your problem? And will you please stop sitting on my tee-shirt?" Yeah, that fuckhead actually keeps spare clothes in his car. I was currently resting my ass on top of a white tee-shirt I found in his backseat.

"No can do, Black. I'll be damned if I'm catching one of Bella's diseases. I hate you." Jacob just smiled as if I didn't intimidate him at all.

"No, you don't." He answered as if he had heard my thoughts. "And you don't hate me. You're in this car with me right now. That alone proves that you don't." I sighed.

"The only reason I'm in here is because you promised not to park in my spot again if I did this." He stuck out his lip in a childish pout.

"Yeah, because everyone knows that we don't need a repeat of the 'Stapler Incident." Scowling, I threw the tee-shirt at him, forgetting my pledge not to sit directly on his bacteria infested seat.

"You better get me back to the garage in time to get my car. 'Jersey Shore' is coming on tonight and if I miss that..." I trailed off ominously.

"I know, I know. You'll castrate me with a rusty spoon. I get it."

"I was actually going to say that I'd punch you in the face, but that works too." Jacob made a sharp turn and I held on to the door handle to keep myself upright. His car actually wasn't horrible. But the dashboard had some unmentionable stains. I didn't even want to ask what they were or where they came from.

It was just his driving that needed some work. Jacob must have wanted to be a race-car driver at some time in his life, I swear.

The cocky dickhead even had a pair of Mardi Gras beads hanging on his mirror. And these beads were adorned with plastic replicas of... a certain male appendage... if you will. Could he get any nerdier?

"You know, this..." I gestured to the beads. "Just shows how much of a frat boy you still are. How old are you again?"

"Twenty-seven. And Emmett gave them to me to hide from Rosalie." He shrugged, making a turn and exiting the highway. "Besides, they make a great conversation starter." Jacob winked, making me blush and look away. I began to reply to that remark, but I was cut off.

"Fuck! I missed it!" He made a sharp turn and parked, the car squealing to a stop. It caused three things to happen at once.

First, I tipped over and face-planted into his lap. (So I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Sue me!)

Second, I moaned. (Never has such a vulgar word sounded oh... So... Promising. God, that was sexy.)

Thirdly, I felt a very large bulge under my cheek. And I highly doubted that Jacob stuffed a sock down there. (Oh God, Oh God, Oh God... I sincerely hope there isn't a wet spot on my skirt. That would be sooooo awkward.)

Luckily, my hair was obscuring my doubtlessly panic-stricken face. A few minutes passed and I still hadn't removed my head from the 'Promised Land.' I think I was too stunned to say anything. Then, for some reason I will never know, I began to laugh.

And laugh.

And laugh some more.

All from the comfort of Jacob Black's very well defined groin. My laughter began to reach hysteric proportions. Jacob cleared his throat insistently. Quieting down slowly, I raised myself. I realized that we in front of the clinic, trying not to make eye contact.

"Okay. So..." I threw myself out of the car before I could shove my foot further into my mouth. Fixing myself, I waited until he got out of the car to walk to the entrance. We said nothing as we walked through the doors.

As he talked to the receptionist, I walked to the near empty waiting area, sat in front of the television, and used the office's wi-fi to write up a couple e-mails on my Blackberry. Jacob must have been just in time for his appointment because he was gone for a while.

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About an hour and a half later, he came out to meet me in the waiting room. "So what did the Doc say?" I asked, standing up. Jacob had a weird expression. He was gaping at me in the manner of a dead fish. I caught on immediately.

"Oh my god." Even though it shouldn't have mattered to me, I became unspeakably angry. "That whore. Oh Jake! This must be hard for you. Do you want me to call my contact and tell them to get her? I have connections. They owe me a favor."

Then as quickly as it came, it left. Then I became annoyed. "Jesus, Jacob. Didn't your mom ever tell you to use protection?" I smacked him on the arm. "Bella Swan is a class Z slut. You honestly thought she'd be clean. Who knows who else she's passed it on to? That bitch. Even if you don't want me to, I call Alec. He's my doorman and I think he knows some people. They won't kill her of course, but they'll give her a scare that'll keep her in therapy for a good ten years. Yeah, I'll call him now because this is just..."

He cut me off by putting a finger on my lips. Then I noticed his shoulders, shaking from contained laughter.

That fuckhead was messing with me.

"Arghhhh!" Stomping angrily out of the clinic, I was boiling. "Jacob Black. That was mean! I hope you do get some sort of disease just from doing that to me!"

"Hey. I never said anything. You just started going off about some contact who owed you a favor." Jacob smiled. "You assumed the worst. And you know what they say about people who assume..."

"I KNOW! I know." Huffing like a dragon, I waved a finger at him as I scolded him.

"Don't you ever do something like that again! Christ, Black, you had me thinking you had something back there. And now that I know you're clean, I can finish perfecting my plans to kill you."

"Easy there, tiger." Jacob said in what I suppose he thought was a soothing voice. If I listened closely, it sounded like he was amused. Then he did a double take as he started the car. "Wait, you're planning on killing me?"

I pretended to look at my nails and crossed my legs. "No. Of course not. Besides, I can never find the time. But if you don't get me back in time for 'Jersey Shore,' I might just have to talk to Alec after all."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure Clearwater. And who would be around to annoy you? Face it, you'd miss me. Besides, it's only seven. We'll make it."

"Oh. Well, if that's the case, bring me to McDonald's." He scowled.

"What am I? Your chauffeur?"

"Yes. Now chop chop Bah-sil. We don't want to be late." I said in my most snotty British accent.

"Basil? Can't I at least be a Sebastian?"

"Whatever, Sebastian. Just bring me to McDonald's. I'm hungry as a motherfuck." He rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, Black, you keep doing that and your eyes will fall out. And I'll tape it too. I'm sure You-Tubers love a good involuntary decapitation."

"Whatever." He poked his tongue out at me as he pulled into the Drive-Thru of the nearby McDonald's. Luckily, we were the first in line.

"May I take your order?"

"Yeah, can I have a Big Mac Meal, an Quarter Pounder with cheese, a large fry, three apple pies, and a Diet Coke?" He said as I fed him my order.

"A diet coke?"

"I'm watching my weight." He cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing.

The overly chipper voice crackled from the speakers. "Anything else, sir?"

"Yeah. I'll have a Cheeseburger."

"Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy..." I sang quietly, causing him to scowl.

"Okay. Your total is $35.63. Please pay at the window."

As he drove forward slowly, he reached a hand out to me. Jacob stared at me expectantly.

"Oh. I didn't tell you? You're paying." His mouth flew open as I smirked evilly. I know he said he'd never park in my spot again, but he still needed retribution for this morning. I didn't want him to think I was going soft on him.

_Revenge is sweet._

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	6. Chapter 6: And The Oscar Goes To

**OUTTAKE IS COMING EARLY SATURDAY! **

**Get ready to RUMBLE!**

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****Chapter 6: And the Oscar Goes To...**

**JPOV**

"I can't believe you just did that to me!" I grumbled as we entered the highway. Leah and I were on our way from the doctor's office. Thankfully, I hadn't had any diseases, but a scare like that was enough to ward me off of women for a couple months.

Wait, that's too extreme. Maybe a couple weeks...

Okay, for a couple days.

Alright, maybe that's unreachable. Let's make it a couple hours... minutes...

But that wasn't the point. The point was that Leah had just gypped me out of thirty-six bucks. And instead of looking repentant, she just sat there, guzzling her Diet Coke, eating her burgers and fries, and whistling as I drove. I took a small bite of my cheeseburger and scowled.

I sure as hell wasn't going to say anything. I didn't want those 'contacts' of her's coming my way. Before she even got into the car this afternoon, I made sure all the panties I had stashed in the backseat were in a plastic bag in the trunk. _Note to Self: Return those to Bella, Kate, Sasha, Jane, Irina and... Oh forget it. I'll just wash them and give them to charity. I'm sure some homeless gay guy will appreciate Victoria's Secret._

There were a couple of leftover nacho and chicken wing stains on the dashboard from the last time Emmett and I went to a football game. I swear, the guy can put food anywhere but into his mouth. And I completely forgot about Emmett's penis adorned Mardi Gras beads. Now Leah thinks I'm a frat boy. That's one more thing to add to the list.

_Man-whore, studmuffin, Wanna-be assfucker, Parking spot stealer, Basil (I don't even know what that is!), and frat boy... What's next?_

"Y'know? This car isn't as bad as I thought it'd be." She finished her burger, the fries, and two of her apple pies and was working on the third. "I mean, my vajayjay isn't itching or burning yet, so that's always a good sign."

"Wow Leah. Thanks for that very vulgar, yet unexpected compliment." She blushed and took another unladylike bite of her pie. That was one of the things I loved about her. Like me, she had a tendency to really enjoy food. Most women, like Bella, never ate anything. But I know for a fact that Leah does eat if the way she scarfed the Big Mac was any indication.

_If that ass isn't any indication, I don't know what is... _

I cleared my throat and shook my head. "So what's so important about 'Jersey Shore' anyway?"

Leah gasped, choking up a bit of her Diet Coke. I turned just in time to see her glare at me. "What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

Gulping, I averted my eyes. I revised my statement in my head, hoping that she wouldn't decapitate me. _That would put a dampener on my plans to marry her. How am I supposed to do that with my head at the bottom of the Atlantic? _"What I meant was, um... Why do you like the show? I've seen it, and it's... unique and interesting."

I was lying through my teeth. _Only Leah could make me do this. _I actually believed the show was full of overly tanned, fake, and shallow people who had nothing better to do but get drunk and spread diseases among the unsuspecting public.

She settled down, thank god. "It's a cool show. Besides, at one point, I fancied myself a guidette."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope. I actually had a dream once that I married a DJ Pauly D look-a-like and we had little guido and guidette children. Complete with the poofy, overly gelled hair and tans and everything." She laughed a little. "Luckily, I came down from that dream. Emily thought I was nipping at the cough medicine in the bathroom or something."

"Which reminds me... How is Emily doing?" Come to think of it, I haven't heard anything from Sam since this morning. I wondered if he was still pissed at me from earlier.

"She's fine, I guess. I haven't talked to her since lunchtime." Yes, the both of us knew of Sam and Emily's counter-seduction plan. I found it funny, while Leah thought it was sad. It didn't stop her from trying to tape it as an 'experimental documentary.' Luckily, I stopped her. We promised each other that we wouldn't interfere.

"I wish they'd just do it already. Sam's starting to get on my nerves." We made it to our exit and Leah's phone rang. As she answered it, I began to drive toward the office garage.

"Hello?... Hey Em... Okay?... (sigh) It's cool. And I had an appointment... Don't worry, It's fine... Bye." She hung up and turned to me. "So there's no need to bring me to the garage."

"What's up?" I asked, making a u-turn.

"I gave Emily my spare set of car keys, so she brought it home for me. Can you drop me there?"

"But, Leah. It's only the first date. I'm honored and all, but I gotta protect your virtue." She threw a napkin at me.

"Can it, Black." She shrugged, crossing her legs again. "Besides, I don't fuck on the first date. Contrary to popular belief, I do have morals. And besides, it's not my virtue that'll need the protecting."

I raised an eyebrow as she winked at me. "I have no doubt about that, sweetie."

She threw a leftover burnt French fry at my head. "Just get me home, Black. And all will be right with the world."

I pulled up to her apartment in no time, following her directions. She was about to get out, but then she stopped and looked at me.

"Oh. Wait. Jacob, don't you need the Stanley file?" I nodded. "I left it in my office. Do you want me to get it for you?"

If Leah did that, then she would have to go all the way up and get it, then come back down. I shook my head, then a frisson of an idea blossomed in my head.

"Yeah. I'll come up with you." Before she could argue, I was shutting off the car and standing next to her. "Ready?"

She gave me a withering look and I just smirked in response. As she turned to walk toward the entrance, I thought I saw the beginnings of a smile.

We entered the elevator and she pressed a button. The elevator ride was kind of like the kind you see in movies. You know, the romance ones where the guy and the girl are glancing at each other on the sly and trying not to let the other on see. I saw Leah looking at me a couple of times and smiled at where her eyes were going. _Cause we all know Jake Jr. was craving your attention._

I was going to have to use her bathroom when I got to her apartment. Hopefully her walls were soundproof. The elevator stopped on her floor and I followed her out.

As we neared the apartment, there were sounds. She shook her head.

"Oy. You'd think they'd get tired of each other by now." Leah shrugged and explained. "My neighbors, Kim and Jared. Still in the honeymoon period of their relationship, despite the fact that their actual honeymoon was about thirty years ago."

I shuddered at the thought of old people getting kinky. Even Emmett's perverted mind couldn't come up with something that nasty.

But as we passed Kim and Jared's door, the noises only got louder. She looked confused. "Okay. Now who the hell could that be? I swear, if it's Katerina and that lowlife boyfriend of hers sexin' it up in the loft again, I'll kill her."

"Huh?" Because what can you say to that?

"Kat's the housekeeper. Comes in every now and then. And it's not a pretty sight seeing her and her naked boyfriend on the floor of your apartment after a long day of work. I'd fire her, but she's the only one willing to do our laundry."

"Dude, I'd do your laundry. You shouldn't have to put up with that."

"I know. But I don't think you'd be able to handle all my delicates like she does." Leah said in an offhand, distracted way. She was searching for her keys. The noises got even louder.

"I bet I could, Clearwater." And she glared at me.

"Shut it, Black."

I pretended to 'lock' my lips and throw away the key. Leah rolled her eyes again, pulling the keys out of her bag by the plush 'Hello Kitty' keychain. She glared at me, daring to make fun of it. I threw my hands up in surrender, thinking of 'Alec's contacts.'

The noises we had been hearing were coming out of her door. Leah pinched the bridge of her nose and said something. "Not before 'Jersey Shore'." and "Can't deal with this now." Were two of the main phrases she muttered as she unlocked the door and threw open the door, charging in.

I followed her, naturally, before she shut the door in my face. She suddenly stopped and froze, her eyes fixed to something on the floor. Since I wasn't paying too much attention. I ran right into her.

"What the hell, Clearwater? I could have crush..." I trailed off and my mouth dropped open as I laid my eyes on the scene before me.

"Sam?" I yelled, at the same time she yelled. "Emily?"

There was tangled heap of clothes scattered around the living room. Sam and Emily were on the floor.

Emily: No bra, blouse, or dignit... I mean shoes.

Sam: No dignity at all. He didn't have on any clothes.

If it weren't for that one time in college when we got stoned and wasted and skinny dipped in our fraternity's pool, I would have been surprised. I carefully averted my eyes from their frozen frames and cleared my throat.

"Guess your walls aren't soundproof after all."

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**HOW INDECENT! READ AND REVIEW!**


	7. Outtake 1: The Stapler Incident

**So, I've been getting reviews and PMs asking for the specifics of 'The Stapler Incident.' So for one special faithful reviewer (You know who you are...) and the others, I am attempting my very first OUTTAKE!**

**I'm so excited about this. It's a very monumental event. So review and tell me what you think.**

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**Outtake #1: The Stapler Incident**

**LPOV**

"I'm. Going. To. Kill. Him." I growled. This is the last time he will do this to me. He will pay. I slammed the door to my Lexus and started to stomp the long way to the elevators.

It wouldn't be that long if he would just GET OUT OF MY PARKING SPOT! (Oh, I'm sorry... Was I yelling?)

And to think, Jacob Black just risked his life for a goddamn Kit-Kat bar. (Yeah! I know about his addiction. It's so pathetic. He needs to be hooked on something more classy, like crack or Snickers.)

Emily scrambled to get out of the car and stumbled after me in her four inch heels. I had forgotten she was starting that absurd new 'Sam plan' today. Since I was so angry, I couldn't even remember it and laugh.

"Come on Leah." She tried to grab me, but I snarled and jerked myself from her grasp. "Okay! Jeez! I get it. I know you haven't had breakfast, but this is a little extreme."

"THAT COCKSUCKING ASSWIPE KEEPS STEALING MY SPOT!" I screeched. Emily glanced around the near empty garage just in case someone heard me.

"Leah. Just calm down. Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out." I did what she said for a couple minutes and began to feel calmer. Then I glanced at that gay-mobile happily parked in my spot and I got angry all over again.

"He will die." I left Emily where she was standing, pressed the button to the elevator, and stepped through when it opened. I could see Emily trying to stumble after me, but the elevators slid closed on her petrified face.

When the elevator got to the LBC, I pushed my way through the glass doors, not even acknowledging Gianna as she waved. I could hear pieces of my co-workers' conversations as I passed their doors.

"She looks pissed..."

"Uh-Oh. She's gonna do it this time..."

"Hope Jake doesn't have anything sharp on his desk..."

"Last I heard, he was in his bath..."

"Yeah, I know. Hiding behing the toil..."

"Pitiful really..."

"Kid has a death wi..."

"Oooooh. You think she'd tell me where she got her sho...?"

"OPEN UP, BLACK!" When I got no answer, I stomped my foot and yelled again. "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

I heard a thump and a whimper. Sighing, I put my hand on the doorknob. Of course it was open. He was too busy finding a hiding spot to lock the damn door. I crossed the threshold and closed the door behind me.

The darkness surrounded me. I flicked on the light and glanced around the surprisingly neat office. There was no sign of Jacob anywhere.

"Oh, come on, Black. Stop being such a bitch. Face me like a man!" I shut up and listened for any noises. _Time for plan B. You asked for it, sucker._

I slid one of my dress straps down my shoulder slowly. "I know you're in here." I lifted my bra strap as if I were going to take it off.

There was diminutive sound. If my hearing wasn't so excellent, I wouldn't have heard it at all. I still couldn't pinpoint where it was, so I pulled the other dress strap down and waited.

_Okay then suckah. Plan Ho is a go._

Slowly, I bent down. My indigo dress was very fitted and it took a little to hit my destination. Then, I gripped my lacy black boy shorts and pulled them down, swaying my hips seductively. I stepped out of them and held it on my pointer finger. I swung it back and forth like a hypnotist's pendulum. Of course the dress still covered my lady bits. I did have some dignity.

"Look Jacob. No undies. Fresh as a daisy under here. You know you want it." No answer.

I know. It's cruel and unusual and all that shit, but I'm not a lawyer for nothing. I know what makes people tick. And I definitely made Jacob Black tick.

There was a groan and I smiled. Before I walked to the half closed closet, I fixed myself and threw open the door.

Jacob Black was sitting Indian Style on the floor, hiding behind a huge pack of coats and a box. He was cursing like a sailor and sweating bullets.

"Get up, Black." He whimpered and I raised an eyebrow at him. Jacob got up quickly and ran out of the closet, scambling to get as far away from me as possible.

"So what's up, Leah?" I smiled as pleasantly as I could. He was squirming more than a pig in a mud-bath. Jacob was adjusting his tie, shifting his feet, and running his hands through his wonderfully orgasmic short black hair.

_If only he weren't such a dick... Bad choice of words._

"The sky, my blood pressure, your time on this Earth..." I scowled and crossed my arms, assuming my 'courtroom' position. "Why'd you do it, Black?"

"Do what?"

"Don't play stupid, Jacob." I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'm not playing!" He stopped and backtracked. "I mean... Well, you know what I mean."

"Then why in the name of all that is holy did you park in my spot again? Didn't I say that if I saw your stupid, gay, blueberry muffin colored, frat boy-like, hunk of metal in my spot ever again..."

"You'd torture and decapitate me, then deliver the corpse to the police, mangled so badly my own mother won't even be able to recognize my face. I know, I know..." He said, repeating my previous threat word-for-word and smirking for God knows what reason.

"Then why, in the face of this heinous threat -which I have no problem carrying out- would you do it again? Do you have a death wish. Are you suicidal or something?" I asked, stepping forward.

"Do you have like, a fever? Because that is the only reason to justify your stupid ass behavior." I continued, pressing my hand to his forehead and inwardly cheering when I copped a surrepticious feel of that awesome hair.

"Are you molesting my hair, Clearwater?" He asked after a few moments.

_Maybe not so surrepticious after all..._

"Whatever, Black. I only came in here to scare you into moving your 'Blue Waffle' out of my goddamn spot." I turned and began to walk out of his office. "By ten on the dot, Black, or you're gonna be fish food tonight."

"No. You don't scare me."

"Are you kidding me?" I yelled, turning back around and making him flinch. "That spot has my name on it."

"Oh come on, Clearwater. You know you cheated! You took advantage of that poor mail guy. I should have won that spot!"

"And your point? I won that spot fair and square. You're just mad because you didn't think of the loopholes first."

"Yeah, because seducing the mail room dude is something all of us should have done."

"Now get your fucking car out of my fucking spot or I fuck you up so bad, that you'll have to get fucking plastic fucking surgery to fucking fix it, you fucking fuckhead!" I said in response, punching his chest and rubbing my hand when it bounced off.

"Wow, eight F-bombs in one sentence. New record, Clearwater." He said, smirking again, and inflaming my anger even more. That cocky asshole.

I snarled and glared at him. I needed a weapon, any weapon.

That was when my eyes landed on the blue stapler on his desk. I grabbed it and snapped it menacingly. "Get. Your. Ass. Out. Of. My. Spot. Douchebag."

"No."

And I lunged.

"Eeeeeeeh!" Jacob screamed like a little girl. He fell to the ground with me on top of him. I was stapling his collar, his belt, anything I could get my hands on. By the time I was finished, he would be a magnet's wet dream.

Suddenly, Sam and Paul burst through the door. We froze and looked up. Unfortunately, my dress had ridden up while I was straddling him and he had his hands on my arms to keep me from stapling anymore body parts. To anyone who didn't know, it would look like we were in the middle of a very passionate moment.

Paul started laughing, leaning against the door for support. "Emily wasn't lying when she said you'd fuck him up, Leah." Then he stepped forward.

I had calmed down marginally as they started laughing, seeing how crazy I was acting. I was about to get up, but then I felt a bulge underneath my underwear. I looked down in disgust.

"Oh. That is fucking nasty." Sam pulled the stapler from my hands before I could use it again. Paul helped me up and I adjusted myself. Emily came running in and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, Sam! You're so strong. I knew I could count on you." Emily had pushed out her chest, leaning up against Sam's arm like a stripper. He blushed and adjusted his tie, smiling a little.

"Give me a break!" Paul had helped Jacob up and was removing the staples from his shirt. I glared at him and he just smirked again, winking.

Jacob's office phone rang, and we all jumped at the sound. Somehow, Jacob had programmed it to play 'Baby Got Back.' Which if you think about it, was kind of fitting.

He glanced at me and answered it. "Hello?... Hi, Mr. Cullen... No. Just a misunderstanding... Oh. Okay... We'll be there... Good-bye."

"Well?" I said.

"Cullen wants us in his office right now." Immediately, I began to panic.

"Oh, my gosh! I'm gonna lose my job! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no..." I started hypervenilating and fanning myself, leaning on Emily for support. "I can't lose this job. I actually like it. I can wear cute clothes and scare people with my courtroom voice, and the pay is amazing... Ouch! What was that for?"

"Sorry." Emily said as I rubbed my arm. That girl can pinch like a crab. "You looked like you needed it."

"He wants to see the both of us though. We'll be okay, Clearwater."

"Oh that's easy for you to say when your daddy and your uncle own the company you work for, asshole. The chances of you getting fired are the same as my chances of making out with Edward Cullen."

We all shared a repressed shudder at that image.

"Well get your Chapstick ready, Clearwater, because you're not getting fired. I just know it."

"How would you know?"

"Didn't you pull in that huge Stanley account the other day?" I nodded. "Dude, Jessica loves you. She won't accept any other lawyer. And by firing you, Cullen would lose one of his biggest clients."

"Well, that's true."

"And because I'm a charmed individual."

"That's not so true."

So we all left his office. Emily and Sam wished us good luck and we had that damn meeting with Cullen. The result?

A shitload of anger management for me and a crapload of workplace courtesy workshops for him. That insufferable asshole. But it was all worth it. Would I do it again?

Oh, hell yeah. The guy has got thigh muscles firmer than Hercules.

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**So, Whaddya think? I love outtakes!**


	8. Chapter 7: TransFat High Is A Bitch

**So, here is Chapter Seven. I know what I want to do with this story, but I want to develop the relationship a bit more. Hopefully you enjoy this.**

**I just wrote a one-shot inspired by some of the EdwardXBella stories I've been reading. It's on my page, so if anyone is interested, you know what to do.**

**But I need some serious help in pacing myself, I tell you.**

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**Chapter Seven: Trans-Fat High is a Bitch...**

**LPOV**

"I cannot believe this." I moaned, digging into the lo mein with my chopsticks. Tearing open a packet of duck sauce, I added that to my noodles, which were already covered in soy sauce and grease. But the more fat I could inhale, the better I'd be.

"Well, at least they both got what they wanted." Jacob said, lounging on the floor below me as I sat on the couch. He took a huge bite of his egg roll and shrugged. "Besides, if Sam didn't get any soon, he was going to spontaneously combust. I know because he felt the need to tell me. Every. Single. Day. And. Night."

"At least they ran off to Sam's apartment. Thank God Seth wasn't there. He had a date." I had called Seth immediately after leaving the loft, leaving a quick warning message before getting some Chinese take-out at Jacob's condo.

Yes. I'm at 'the Jacob Black's' condo. And what am I doing? Eating like a horse and watching 'Jersey Shore' in a pair of yoga pants, purple ankle socks, and a sweatshirt, which I had grabbed before leaving Sam and Emily to do whatever.

The condo wasn't as gross as I thought it'd be. I mean, it was actually clean. And his bathroom wasn't crawling with vermin- :cough:-Bella-:cough:- and decorated in a nice blue and brown theme.

And his kitchen was almost as panty creaming as his hair. He has an honest to god espresso machine, which I would be 'borrowing' before the night is done.

The last time I had an espresso machine, I threw it out of my window in a caffene-induced rage after my first batch turned out horribly wrong. Needless to say, I've been going to Starbucks for my coffee fix since then.

The hi-def 50 inch plasma screen in his living room was perfect for watching football and 'Jersey Shore.' I mean, I could see every dimple on The Situation's perfectly toned torso. Every drop of gel in DJ Pauly D's hair looked as shiny as if it had just come out of the container.

"Ahhhhhh." He said, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. "That was good. Now all that's left to do is take a soothing bubble bath, have a nice round of wild animal sex in the bedroom, and this day would be complete." Jacob raised his eyebrows suggestively and winked at me.

-smack- "Fuckin' OUCH!"

"That's what you get, dumbass." I said, finishing the remnants of my noodles. "Now, pass me the General Tso's chicken."

"Whatever, Clearwater." He said, tossing me the container, which I caught perfectly. "I think it's nice that that they've finally gotten together."

"At what price? I'm not gonna be able to look Sam in the face without laughing for at least a couple weeks. And you don't have to live with Emily. What if Sam stays over and I walk out of my bedroom one morning to find him in his boxer shorts at the kitchen table? I am not a morning person, Jacob. I just might injure him, if I'm surprised enough."

"I don't believe that. Besides, they're probably looking over real estate ads in the paper and picking out baby names right now." He said. I stuffed a few more chicken pieces into my mouth and chewed. The fatty grease really was soothing.

"I have ingested more calories today than I have in a week. God, I can feel my ass expanding. It's back in the gym for me tomorrow morning." I said, patting my flat tummy through my sweatshirt. "They might as well just start rolling me into the LBC in a cart."

"Y'know, there's a really good way of burning off those calories..." At my glare, he stopped his sentence. "What? I was gonna say the treadmill. It's not my fault you have a naturally dirty mind."

"Anyway... Might as well get a headstart on disinfecting the loft." But as luck would have it, I was beginning to feel sluggish. I knew if I didn't get up soon, I would begin to stare off into space in a catatonic stupor.

Not that that's happened to me... Much...

"Why aren't you moving?" Jacob asked from the floor.

"Why aren't you?" I yelled, not even moving my head to glare at him. The food coma was hitting me hard. I poked my stomach and groaned. "Ahhhhhh..."

"I know. I'm going into a food coma too..." Jacob groaned. I heard a thump and another moan. "There is no other way I would be laying on my floor like this if I weren't."

We groaned in unison.

"I really need to vacuum under here. The dust bunnies are epic." He started laughing and I rolled my eyes.

"Remind me never to give you any weed..." If 'Food Coma' Jacob was this annoying, I'd hate to see 'Stoned' Jacob. "Jesus H. Christ... What the hell did they put in that Chinese food?"

"A shitload of fat and MSG, that's what..." I grabbed the remote and turned the channel. Maybe seeing overweight people struggling to drop pounds may inspire me to get up.

"I hate having food comas. They make me feel all lazy and shit." I remarked, settling for an old rerun of Oprah. The remote fell out of my hand and hit his head. It landed with a satisfying thump.

"Owwwww..." He groaned, stretching the word out. Jacob sounded like a wounded whale. Which he kind of was, given how huge he is. "So. Much. Food."

Luckily, I managed to get up the strength to get up. I gingerly stepped over his prone form and shuffled over to my purse. (Designer, gift from Alice.) I heard another noise and a groan.

"Wow. That took alot out of me." Jacob had gotten up and was following me, effectively ruining my chances of 'borrowing' his espresso machine. "Anyway, I still need the Stanley file, Clearwater. If I don't get that, Cullen's gonna...

bang-thud-thud...

OWWWWWWWWWW!"

I whirled around to catch Jacob falling to the floor near the kitchen, clutching his side. From what I could tell, the idiot had walked straight into his marble counter.

Dumbass.

He glared at me as I contemplated leaving him there. Then he gave me a puppy-dog pout and I caved. Damn him. I sighed and leaned down to help him. He was still clutching his side.

"Lift up your shirt, Black." I said, not even thinking about who I was saying it to.

"Clearwater, I'm flattered, but this is just the first date. I don't show these pecs to just anyone y'know." He winked and smirked as I curled my lip. As soon as he mentioned it, though, I became very interested in the opportunity to drool over his -shall we say- 'nekked' flesh.'

"Just do it, dammit. I want to see if there is a bruise." I griped and he shrugged. Then he lifted his gray shirt and I died a little inside. In the best possible way of course. His abs were made of marble, stone, steel, etc. I could bake cookies on it.

However, there was a bluish bruise starting to form on his lower left stomach. I poked it and he squealed. What kind of 'man' squeals? He almost reminds me of Seth when he went through his hetero period.

Thank god he got over that...

I leaned closer to the bruise fascinated by it colors, for some reason. What happened next was totally beyond my control. I like to think it was a side effect of the food coma.

Jacob grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him.

Then he kissed me.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

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**Do you think it's too fast? I kind of had an idea where I want this to go. Besides, Jake and Leah are much cuter doing the horizontal tango than fighting...**

**BTW, I'm trying to become a good A/U Blackwater writer, maybe one of the best. Do you think I'm doing a good job? **


	9. Chapter 8: Sense and Sensibility

**I'M BACK! Since I have Christmas break, I'll be able to update a little more often. My laptop screen is cracked though, so I'm typing up new chapters as fast as I can before I send it in for repairs. While it's out, I'll do what I can to continue typing and writing on my desktop, which doesn't get internet. Maybe when I get it back, I'll post a chapter in celebration. Wish me luck with that plan!**

**Here we go! Hope I don't disappoint!**

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**Chapter Eight: Sense and Sensibility**

**JPOV**

_Well, this is a first..._

Leah froze in shock when my lips touched hers. But after a few seconds, she snaked her arms around my neck and kissed me back. My thoughts were loud and triumphant, and they only became louder after she moaned a little. Suddenly, she pulled away. I felt it before it came.

_-SMACK-_

My right cheek burned and I winced a little. I was distracted so I didn't notice that she was trying to leave. I grabbed her by the wrist and kissed her again, muffling her sounds of protest. Then I pulled away again.

"What the hell was that, Jacob?" She asked, making a show of readjusting her jacket.

"I think I just kissed you, Leah."

"I know that, dipshit." Leah responded without hesitation. "But why did it happen?"

"I have no idea..."

"Well you can just forget it right now, Black. I am not going to become one of your little sluts. I have rules about this kind of thing and staying away from Bella Swan's residual saliva is one of them. I also don't date my co-workers. It's like a 'Don't shit where you eat' or 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth thing' or something that I don't have a cute saying for. So you can just forget this ever happened and..." She trailed off, biting her lip a little and stomping her foot.

"Oh. Fuck it. Come here." And she grabbed my head and started kissing me again, backing me into my counter and clutching my t-shirt with the strength of a body-builder. I snaked my arms around her torso and kissed her back, reveling in this small victory.

"Jesus, Black..." She said when she pulled away. "You're a damn good kisser." She shrugged and attacked my lips again.

* * *

"Dude! It's all over the office! Why didn't you tell me?" Emmett boomed, bursting into my office. He pulled out a chair and straddled it. "I'm hurt.

I swear, I felt a moment of intense panic. _Leah said not to tell anyone. And if Big Mouth McCarthy decides to say something, then..._

Emmett noticed the look on my face and gave me a weird look. "I was talking about Sam and Emily." He smiled again, dimples on full display, as he pretended to wipe away a tear. "Our little boy's growin' up. Sniff, sniff, cry, cry."

"Yeah." I said, silently thanking my lucky stars with relief. "Clearwater and I walked in on them doing the horizontal tango at her loft."

"You and Leah? Together? And there was no bloodshed?" He asked, gazing at me in surprise. He knew what she was capable of. Hell, Rosalie taught Leah everything she knew. Hell is going to freeze over."

"It was only for a couple minutes. I needed the Stanley file." My phone buzzed in my pocket and I smiled as I read the text. Emmett looked confused, but a knock on my office door interrupted the question that was bound to come.

"Come in!"

"Yo, Black. I need to go over the Stanley file. You made some mistakes." Leah barked as she came in, looking gorgeous in a tight black dress and platform heels, her hair falling to her shoulders in her normal no nonsense bob. "As usual, I have to fix it. Oh. Hey Emmett."

"Hey Lee! I suppose you've heard to. Where are they today?" She shrugged.

"Emily called me this morning. Said she needed a 'personal day.' They're getting 'personal,' alright... All over my five thousand dollar couch, the assholes."

Emmett laughed. "Well, I gotta go, dude. See you later, Lee."

"Tell Rosalie that we're going to _Panache_ for lunch today!" Leah yelled. "I made reservations."

"Will do!" Emmett slammed the door as Leah turned her head to look."

I was loosening my tie when she turned back. "How long do we have?" I checked my watch.

"Ten minutes."

"Thank God. I thought he'd never leave." She sighed, unstrapping her shoes and tossing them across the room. "I've got an itch, Black, and you're gonna to scratch it."

"Mmm. Talk dirty to me." I said lifting her skirt and smiling when she moaned.

"Don't get cute, Jacob." She said before jumping up on my desk and pulling me closer. "Let's do this."

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**Don't hate me! Did you see that coming? I hope it's okay... God, this writing stuff is hard work...**

**Does anyone know how to do a banner for a story? I wanted to post some of my stories on the TWCS website, but I wanted to make a cool banner to let it stand out. PM or Review me!**


	10. Chapter 9: Pornstar Mentality

**MY LAPTOP IS FIXED! LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THE WONDERFUL COMPUTER NERDS WHO FIXED MY DEAR, SWEET JACOB!**

**Now that that's out of the way, you can get to the story.**

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Chapter Nine: Porn-Star Mentality**

**LPOV**

"Jesus." I panted from the top of Jacob's desk. A stapler had embedded itself in my back while I was 'distracted' and I winced as I sat up. "That was amazing." I got to work readjusting myself, then rolled my eyes. "Give me my fucking underwear, Black." At least he had the decency to look ashamed as he pulled my lacy boy shorts out of his pocket. _When did he even find time to do that? Last I checked, he was 'preoccupied' with other things._

"Six minutes... That's a record. Even for me." He smirked and zipped his pants. "Just call me 'Booty Call' Black from now on."

"I thought booty calls were late at night." I said, strapping on my shoes.

"You need a porn name..." He smiled and snapped his fingers in my direction, ignoring my comment. "I got it! You could be 'Quickie' Clearwater... Booty Call and Quickie ... fighting crime, one romp at a time... That kinda rhymes." All I did was stare. Jacob shrugged and smiled. "Post coital high. Makes me loopy."

"Remind me never to give you any weed." I said, adjusting my dress and fixing my lipstick in my compact mirror, while he got to work re-organizing his desk.

"And you call yourself a lawyer." He said, shaking his head as he picked up the Stanley file, flipping through it casually and shaking his head again. "Crack is whack, Clearwater. Say no to drugs."

"What? My doorman is a druggie and he's always offering to give me some." I said.

"Robbin' the cradle..." Then, he looked up thoughtfully. "You need a new doorman. You know, I'm beginning to think that you're some sort of witch."

"Why is that?"

"Because every guy you glance at falls at your feet, begging for a piece of you?"

"My hairdresser, Frederico doesn't." I said in my defense.

"He's gay."

"No." I corrected. "He's bi. Besides, it's not my fault. I just have a sparkling personality and a slammin' bod." I said, starting on my mascara. "And you can't complain, considering what we just did."

"Whatever. So what was wrong with the file anyway?"

"Nothing. I just needed an excuse to come in here."

"Oh you 'came' alright." He complained. "Nearly busted my eardrum, too..."

"Shut up!" I shot back as we walked out of his office door.

And encountered the last person I would have wanted to see at that moment... Or any moment, for that matter.

My hatred for Isabella Swan was well known around the office. In my opinion, she was a whiny, slutty, stupid, insipid, vapid, pathetic excuse for a human being. When she and Dick-ward announced their engagement to the office, Isa-bitch magically received a promotion from fifth fucking assistant to assistant of the C.E.O. (A.K.A. Edward) to a full fledged lawyer. While I would normally commend such cunning use of womanly charms to get ahead, Bella's rise to the top only made me hate her even more. What Alice told me the day before only exacerbated my animalistic feelings toward her.

I hate her... So much...

"Jake!" She squealed, throwing her stupid pale arms around him. "I haven't seen you in a while!"

"You just saw me yesterday." He said, extracting himself out of her snake-like grip.

"Leah..." She said, not without malice.

"Isabella..." I shot back, smiling in victory when she glared. She hated being called her full name. I scowled and crossed my arms, when she turned back to Jacob, effectively dismissing me.

That prissy, two-timing, cunt-faced, scum-sucking, bitch...

"So..." She began, biting her lip in a 'sexy' way. I could tell her lip gloss was cheap, and she had so much concealer slathered on her face that her head and her neck were two different colors. "Edward's going to some business meeting in Hawaii next week... Maybe we could get together for drinks... or dinner... or dessert...

Cheap ass, clown bitch whore...

I turned to Jacob with an eyebrow raised, waiting for his response.

"I'd..." He paused, as if he were trying to choose his words carefully. "Rather... Not... But thank you. I'll be busy next week." Isabella turned to glare at me harshly. I met her gaze with equal animosity.

"Doing what?" She asked in that 'Step-Off-Of-My-Man-Bitch' tone that I couldn't stand.

"Nothing much. Might hang out with Emmett or something."

She was about to ask another stalker question when I interrupted.

"Listen, Isabella. We need to get to lunch." I snarled, balling my hands into fists within my crossed arms. "You two can continue this later."

"Since when do you dictate when or who speaks to Jacob, Leah?" Isabella shot back.

_Since I gave him the best sex of his adult life last night and just now... _Was what I wanted to say. Instead, I just walked away, shoving her in the shoulder as I passed her in the narrow hallway. Jacob quickly dismissed Bella and ran behind me. I kept walking until I reached the elevators, nearly breaking the Down button as I punched it repeatedly. I needed to hit something. Badly.

_Note-to-Self: Call Kick-Boxing Ken... Schedule an extra-long rigorous training session... Better make that two training sessions._

When the cab arrived, I stomped in and punched the button for the first floor.

_Make that three..._

"Dude..." Jacob suddenly asked, squinting at me from the far corner of the elevator. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing!" I snapped. "I hate that bitch. Stupid fucking cum-sucking fucking asshole fucking whore. I hate her."

"We've established that, but..." He trailed off and gave me a devious smile. "Oh... I get it... Clearwater, you're jealous."

"No I am not... Why? What makes you say that?"

"You haven't stopped scowling since we got in here. Plus, your voice is doing that scary growl thing it does when you're mad. I can read people, Leah. And my Read-O-Meter is telling me that you are jealous." He finished triumphantly.

"Well, your fuckin' Read-O-Meter can go jump off a cliff and take you with it!" I shot back, still reeling from his observation. Was I that transparent?

"Okay... Whatever you say..." The elevator arrived at the first floor and we stepped out. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper were waiting in the lobby. Rosalie took one look at my annoyed red face and steered me away from him.

"Jacob, huh?" She said, glancing over at him. "Kid has a death wish..." She muttered.

"You're in no condition to drive, Lee." Alice said helpfully. "Let's go. Let the menfolk deal with the suicidal dolt." And with one last look at Jacob's smirking, knowing face, we exited the building. Not before I caught sight of him blowing me a joking kiss...

_Jacob Black... You're just too damn infuriating... And too fucking sexy for your own good..._

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_**Well, well, well... Looks like the charming Mr. Black is starting to grow on our resident Bitch. Love is in the Horizon... Just call me Cupid!**_  
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**What did you think? Next chapter is Jacob and then a surprise POV!**

**READ AND REVIEW!  
**


	11. Chapter 10: The Sin of Seduction

**This chapter is a lemon. Pure and simple. I wanted to make it really extra good, so I hope the delay is worth it. Plus, I wanted to reward my readers who have been positively drooling for one since... Well, a long time ago. And I should warn you that I got a little too crazy with the dialogue. I just wanted to show that Leah is a strong, sexually independent, successful career woman who knows what she's doing and what she wants. I feel like young women and girls don't get enough of that type of literature. **

**The lemons are kind of a bonus, though...**

**But I'll stop rambling now... On to the sexiness.  
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**Chapter Ten: The Sin of Seduction**

**JPOV**

"Jake... You are one of my best friends." Emmett said, taking a sip of Coke. "And I say this because I care about your safety and your sanity: You need help, dude."

"Are you suffering from some sort of adrenaline disorder, or something? Because there is no other explanation for your stupid behavior!" Jasper said, flinging his arms around as he talked. "First, you anger _the _Leah Clearwater, who can kill you about fifty different ways with a perfectly manicured fingernail. Then, you proceed to climb onto an elevator cab with said angered female. And I pretty sure you said something stupid on the way down, because I have never seen her face turn that shade of purple."

"That's not fair! How do you know I said something stupid?" I only spoke the truth. To be honest, even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I didn't believe them. I don't know how I knew, but the look on her face when I told her that she was jealous was classic. If there was one thing Leah Clearwater hated, it was being caught off her guard. Now it was just a matter of getting her to admit her feelings to me.

My Read-O-Meter is _never_ wrong, after all...

Emmett barked out a harsh laugh. "This coming from the guy who believed that farmers actually planted macaroni seeds until he turned twenty."

"It was a valid thought!"

"The point is that as your best friend, I will not allow you to kill yourself through your own stupidity. Besides, if Leah murders you, who's gonna help me make fun of Baby Cullen during staff mettings." Emmett picked up a chicken wing and stuffed it into his mouth. "Jasppa es too girly tuh do eet. SHIT, DIS ISH HAWT!"

"Dumb ass..." I said, leaning back. "Since when have you become my parents?"

"Since you have made it your life mission to commit suicide." Jasper said. "I forbid this behavior."

"Okay... Mom..." I muttered.

"If Jasper is 'Mom,' can I be 'Cool Uncle?'" Emmett asked, sufficiently cooling off his mouth with a glass of water.

Jasper and I rolled our eyes.

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"We really should be working..." Leah sighed, squirming beneath me. "Isn't that what you invited me here... for...?" She trailed off as I pushed her hair away and kissed her neck. "Ohhh... That feels good..."

"You seriously thought we were gonna work, Clearwater?" I said, rubbing my cheek over hers for another kiss. "You're more naive that I thought you were..."

"Fuck you, Black." She growled, her voice muffled by the pillow on my bed. "Oh... Bad choice of words..."

"Besides, you know this case like the back of your hand." She wriggled around even more, brushing up against my erection. I swallowed the moan that arose in my throat.

"You don't, though..." I kissed my way down her back and smirked when she trailed off. "I don't want... to look stupid in court... when you don't know... what you're doing..."

"Don't worry. I'm charmed. I can probably wing it." I replied, spreading her legs apart and settling between them. "Besides... You'd much rather be doing this huh?"

_(ring-ring-ring-ring)_

And at that moment, I decided that I'd never hated anyone as much as I hated Alexander Graham Bell. Fucking phones. I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. It could be important, but fuck if it didn't come at a worse time.

Leah's reaction wasn't so calm.

"NO! NO! NONONONONO!" She squealed, her face buried in my pillows while she had a temper tantrum of epic proportions. "Fuck you, Alexander Graham Bell!"

_My sentiments exactly. _I thought as I smirked. I climbed off of her to answer it while she continued to squirm and mumble incoherently. She looked like a six year old. A naked, grown woman reduced to the temper tantrum of a second grader from my wonderful love-making skills.

A real boost to my ego, even though I'm hard as hell. I didn't know that having a boosted ego could be so painful

"Hello?" I asked, as she stopped and looked up to pout at me. It took everything I had not to chuck the damn phone out of my window.

"JACOB! WANNA COME TO THE CLUB WITH US!"

"EMMETT!" What a fucking idiot. He was officially number two on my Most-Hated list.

"Emmett..." She growled. "That asshole..."

"Emmett, I'm kind of busy." I said as she jumped up and tried to wrestle my cellphone from me.

"Oh... I see... 'Busy!" Emmett laughed. Rosalie said something behind him. "Oh, and Rosalie says not to transmit any communicable diseases."

"Tell Rose that blond joke I told you at lunch. I send it with love." I said as Leah continued to rub up against me for the phone. I backed up toward my closed bathroom door to avoid falling into my mirror. "Bye."

I turned toward her. She had stopped and had a sheepish look on her face.

That was it.

Pushing her back against the door, I attacked her lips with mine. My hands rand down her body. My tongue went inside her mouth, tasting her hot little tongue. She moaned, and I eagerly ate it up. I bit her bottom lip between my teeth just as I rubbed my covered erection right onto her core. The moan that exited her throat was long and low. I pulled away from the kiss and watched with satisfaction as her eyes rolled back in her head. I bucked my hips hard into her, causing her to gasp.

"Do you like feeling my hard cock?" I purred into her ear, slipping my hands down her body and playing with her wet lips between her legs. "Do you like feeling how fucking hard you make me?"

"God, just fuck me now." She moaned when I dipped one finger inside her teasingly.

"That's what your problem is," I hissed. She had ran her hands down my chest, scraping her fingernails over my naked skin. "Patience. I bet you haven't ever been fucked decently, have you? Before last night, the only place you've had sex was on a bed. Am I correct?"

"Yes . . ." she breathed.

"Let's see if we can change that, shall we?"

Picking up her naked, flushed body up into my arms, I hoisted her up and pushed her into the wall.. Her legs wrapped around my waist, her naked cunt pressing against me. She shivered and pressed her mouth hungrily to mine. I felt her erect, hard nipples against my chest and I growled. I would fuck her soon and feel my cock once again inside her tight little pussy.

She ran her hands down my back, trailing her nails against my skin so hard it almost hurt. I hissed, grabbing the table next to me and knocking over a porcelain vase. My aunt would give me hell when she found out I broke it.

But I couldn't be worried about that now.

Not when Leah Clearwater was pressed up against me. My fingers rubbed her clit roughly and my lips attacked every inch of her skin, biting and nipping. I wanted to mark her mine, to show the world that this little tease in front of me was mine, or at least going to be. She belonged to me.

"Oh shit," she cried out when I began to pump my fingers inside her. Suddenly, she slid off the door and my arms and sank to her knees before me. "It's my job to please you," she murmured, looking up at me.

Just the sight of her kneeling only inches away from my hard dick was enough to make me bit my lip and groan. I knew that image would haunt me for many dreams to come. If I had thought the sight of her like that was arousing, then the next thing she did nearly made me cum right away. She placed the head of my dick between her teeth, holding it gently in place while she swirled her tongue around it. My hands clutched her hair, holding her head in place to keep her from standing up.

"Fuck," I growled, clenching my eyes shut. I grasped the edge of the table, probably leaving a mark.

She now filled her mouth with me, putting as much of my throbbing cock as she could into her mouth. She sucked on me once, long and hard, before she grazed her teeth along my shaft. I groaned. "Damn it, Leah." I hissed. She then pulled her head back so now the only thing inside her mouth was the head of my pulsing erection. Using her hands to pump me, she abruptly increased her pace to almost a frenzy. The friction from her hands warmed my cock, causing such pleasure inside me I was sure I was going explode.

Her head bobbed back and forth, doing amazing things to me with her pouty-pink lips and delicious tongue. I bucked up into her mouth, not coherent enough to wonder if I was hurting her.

"Oh, hell. . . fucking shit!" I growled when she squeezed my thickness and pulled sharply.

Then she sucked hard on the head and I was lost. I came hard and fast into her mouth, releasing in three streams. She swallowed every bit, to my surprise. I groaned again at the knowledge that she readily swallowed my seed, my juices. Oh fuck, I was hard all over again.

"You little cock tease." I said, pulling her up and pushing her back into the door. "Now you're really getting fucked. You should know better than to go down on me when I'm trying to fuck you senseless." I was half teasing and half serious. I hadn't been finished with her yet when she decided to taste me. Now she was going to get fucked twice as hard.

"You . . . didn't... like . . . it...?" Each pause was punctuated by the pace of my fingers inside her.

"The hell I did." My voice was only a growl, full of lust and need. "But I wasn't finished with you. Now you're going to get it twice as hard."

Just as I said that last word, I spread her thighs, pulling them slightly upwards so the penetration would be deeper, and slammed my pulsing dick into her core.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! JACOB!" She screamed, her fingers struggling to find purchase on my chest, something to hold onto. She finally grabbed my hair and pulled my lips to hers. My mouth was hungry and insistent, not at all gentle. But neither was hers.

It shouldn't have surprised me that this woman I had thought of for so long as the devil could be capable of such wild lust. That she was fucking me back with as much enthusiasm as I possessed shocked me. She wasn't just pure and honest in the courtroom, she was downright sexy.

I pounded into her. She wrapped her legs around me, her heels settling into my ass. Disjointed, chaotic chords sounded around us, turning me on more than ever before. I moved my mouth to her neck as I continued to pound into her.

"Oh shit!" she cried out. "I'm so fucking close."

"Has anyone ever fucked you on a door, Leah?" I knew they hadn't but I just wanted to hear her say it. I wanted to hear her say all the things she wanted me to do to her.

"Ohhhhhhh!" she moaned deeply, her nails scratching my back. I pulled out, about to slam back into her when I realized she hadn't answered me. Damn it, it was so hard to think when I was so close to cumming. But I wanted her to say it. My eyes trailed down to her body to her red, dripping pussy. I could practically see her throbbing with her need.

"No, damn it! Don't stop now," she protested, reaching down to pull my cock towards her.

"Say it! Have you ever been fucked on a door?"

"No."

"Have you ever been fucked on a desk?"

"No."

"And has anyone ever fucked you by a window, for all the world to see?"

"FUCK... NO!" She cried.

"That's about to change..." I said as I picked her up and carried her over to my desk near my window.

"People will see us..." She moaned, trailing off as I licked her pulse point.

"And?" I pulled her legs up so that they rest on my shoulders. Holding her hips with my hands, I thrust back into her. She arched sharply, her ass digging into the wooden desk below her. Her scream of pleasure sounded around me as she threw her head back and moaned. "That's the point." I growled as I started to move.

I could tell she was approaching her climax. Her walls began to clench tightly around my cock, milking me until I thought I would go insane. Then she clamped down on my dick and orgasmed, screaming profanities.

That hot brick-wall of pleasure surged towards me. I continued to fuck her, wanting to bring her so much pleasure that she'd remember it for weeks. But when I came, it was impossible do anything but experience the orgasm that washed over me. Her legs were so tight around me that my legs should have been blue from lack of circulation.

When she began to come around again, I pulled her mouth back to mine for another kiss.

"Now. How 'bout a shower...?"

She raced me to my bathroom, still naked and sweaty.

_Sexy, little cock tease..._

_

* * *

_**Next Chapter will (probably) be another lemon from a_ surprise POV._ I'll have to see how it fits into the chapter.**

**As always, read and review!**

**Reviewers will get replicas of Jacob's Read-O-Meter! (Hehehehehehe...)  
**


	12. Chapter 11: The City is Ours

**I KNOW, I KNOW! I promised a surprise POV after CH 10, but this couldn't be stopped. I figured I give readers my take on a 'morning-after' scenario, only with a Blackwater twist. Don't worry though, after the Surprise POV Outtake, I'll give you the true depth of their feelings in order to clear a few things up. **

**Oh, and the title of this chapter is a result of Big Time Rush overload. I fuckin' love that show. Four hot guys who can sing... What more could any girl want?  
**

**BLACKWATER FOR LIFE, BITCHES!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: The City Is Ours**

**LPOV**

I woke up the next morning with Jacob curled behind me, his arms holding me tightly and the sheets a scattered mess around us. The pillow was soft under my cheek, his arms hard and smooth around my torso. I felt his erection against my ass and smirked. For some reason, I liked the feeling of waking up in his arms. Even thought my bones were kind of sore, my legs felt deliciously numb. It was no surprise, considering what we had done the night before.

After I jumped off of his desk, I ran to the bathroom and he followed. Giggling like drunk teens, we started a hot shower and jumped in. That was the very first time I'd ever taken a shower without using soap, but what it lacked in cleanliness, it made up for in education. I didn't know that a shower head and a delicately placed tongue could bring about such fantastic results. Barely recovered from our time on the desk, we did it again on the wall of his shower and even after that, I still wanted more. I dragged him to his bed and we made love two more times. Instead of frenzied fucking, we were slow and passionate, our bodies tangling together in a rhythmic motion until we finally zoned out from pleasure and exhaustion.

_It's a good thing it's our day off... _I thought to myself as I shimmied out of his arms. Jacob frowned in his sleep, but didn't wake up. I checked the clock and smirked when I discovered that it was almost noon. A shuffle behind me startled me, but he was only shifting positions. He went still, then started mumbling.

"_Leah..._" He mumbled. "_Sexy...mine...mmmm..._"

Instead of being annoyed, my lips turned upwards. Not in a smirk, but a smile. A genuine smile that started out small and ended up hurting my cheeks. I kissed his cheek lightly before I grabbed a football jersey from a chair in the corner of the room. I pulled it on and yawned, the jersey only reaching to just below my knees.

My stomach growled insistently and I shrugged. It was time for food since I hadn't had anything to eat last night. Can't blame me for being preoccupied with other things. When I reached the kitchen, I grabbed a remote and turned on the small flat screen in the corner of the counter, settling on an episode of some talk show I had never heard of. I quickly turned it to a cartoon channel.

I rummaged through the nearly empty refrigerator, then I looked through his cabinets. In typical bachelor fashion, it was filled to the brim with junk food and instant noodle meals. I settled on a pack of instant noodles and an okay-looking banana from the fridge. As I waited for the noodles to cook, I jumped up on the counter and opened the banana, taking a huge bite. The cool marble under my thighs made me shiver, but they warmed eventually. With the remote in my hand, I turned up the volume.

"I didn't take you for a 'Dora the Explorer' girl, Clearwater. You look more like a Diego fan." I was in the middle of a huge bite of my banana when I whirled around to glare teasingly at his smirking face. I wanted to respond with a few cutting words, but my mouth was full. As soon as I finished chewing, I opened my mouth, prepared to make him bleed.

He groaned loudly, wincing.

"What's wrong? I haven't said anything yet!" I said, kind of disappointed at his surrender.

"That's not it." He said, moving closer and gesturing to my finished banana. "Seriously?"

"What? It's a bana-... _oh..._" I said, finally getting what he meant. Then I smacked my lips and reached over to turn off the stove, tossing the offending fruit into the trash bin. "Fuck you, Black."

"Okay." In one smooth motion, he grabbed my legs and stood between them. We were now eye level, him standing and me on the counter. I blushed. Damn my hormones. "How would you like me?"

_On the grass and in my ass..._

"Oh! You knew what I meant, you crazy asshole." I retorted in frustration, wanting to rub my legs together for some kind of friction, but not willing to give him the satisfaction. I looked down, thankful to see him wearing the abandoned black pajama bottoms that he had worn the night before. If he were naked, I didn't know what I'd do with myself. Unfortunately, he didn't have on a shirt and that toned torso was slowly driving me crazy.

Well, more crazy than I already was.

"Like what you see, Clearwater?" He said, in that cocky courtroom voice I only saved for my most XXX-rated masturbatory daydreams. I licked my lips. It was sad, really, how much those abs had an effect on me. For once in my life, I didn't have a clever reply.

That scared the crap out of me. What the fuck was he doing to me?

I shrugged. "That depends..." I gestured to the over-sized jersey, which had ridden up even more. "Like what _you _see?"

"Most definitely." We leaned in for a kiss. I was fully prepared to keep it to a minimum of half a second, but he slid a hand inside the jersey and I gasped. He used that opportunity to slide his tongue inside my waiting mouth.

_Who gives a shit about morning breath with skills like this? _I asked myself as I ran a hand through his hair, moaning a little. _Just fuck me now... Nothing like an afternoon screw to get the blood flowing..._

Unfortunately, he broke away from me, smirking again. He pulled his hands from under me and got a bottle of water from the fridge. "Let's go somewhere today..."

"Like where?" I asked, trying to bring him back to the place I wanted him the most. He laughed.

"I don't know? You decide."

"Why, Jacob Black, are you asking lil' ol' me out on a date?" I said, batting my eyelashes and donning a Southern accent.

"Why, I guess I am, ma'am." He said, playing along. He pretended to tip his hypothetical 'hat.'

"Okay. Let's go to...the..." I glanced at the television, and smiled. There was a commercial advertising the city aquarium. "Let's go to the aquarium!"

He looked panic-stricken for a few moments, then smirked again. It seemed kind of forced. "Sorry to tell you, Leah, but I'm allergic to fish. If I go around them, I break out in hives and I might die from anaphylactic shock. It's not pretty."

"The way you were scarfing down the sushi at the last LBC luncheon, I highly doubt that."

"How do you remember that?"

"Because you took the last fucking California roll and I was forced to down half a finger sandwich and three gallons of cheap red wine to stave off starvation." I growled. "Not that I'm bitter." I added as an afterthought.

"Sure you aren't. But I remember that now... Good times, good times..." He turned and started to walk away. I flashed the finger at his retreating back. "I saw that. Aren't you coming?"

I rolled my eyes and jumped off the counter to follow after him.

* * *

"Tell me why we're here again?" He moaned after he paid for the admission tickets. "Why couldn't we go to the movies? We could fool around in the dark."

"You have the mind of a horny sixteen year old boy, Jacob." I reprimanded him, shaking my head and adjusting my- his- shirt. Since I refused to commit a fashion felony and become an outfit repeater, I convinced him to let me borrow one of his oxford shirts. I belted it around the waist, then pulled on my discarded jeans. Then, I stole one of his fedora hats to complete the ensemble (gift from Rosalie, thank her later) And I was comfy, thanks to the fact that I had thought to wear espadrilles the day before.

Needless to say, I looked (and felt) hot.

"I think it's more the mind of a thirteen year old's, but it's nice that you think so highly of me, Clearwater." He smirked again and I rolled my eyes to cover my swoon. The bastard must have dressed to provoke me because he looked fucking ah-mazing. Corduroy jacket, ab-hugging t-shirt, ass-hugging jeans, and perfectly distressed Doc Martins, with his hair doing that really nice half spiky thing at the top with no effort on his part.

"If you bear with me, I'll make it worth your while..." I said, biting my lip seductively.

"When and where?" Jacob countered, his voice suddenly husky and low, sending chills down my spine and delivering it directly between my legs.

"I meant a late lunch, you horny pervert!" I cried, throwing my hands in the air from exasperation and frustration.

"I knew that. It's not my fault you have a naturally nasty mind, Leah." He said, perfectly innocent, widening his eyes for effect.

"Come on. Let's get this over with." He said, playfully. "There's a monster-sized, super expensive prime rib calling my name..."

* * *

I bit my lip as the phone rang. "This is all your fault." I hissed at him as he towel-dried his hair.

"You're the one who wanted to hook up near the damn vibrating water filter." He hissed back, conscious of the stern security guard watching us from his desk. "Insatiable, that's what you are, Clearwater."

"Like you didn't like it, you perv." I snarled back as the phone went to voice mail. I slammed the phone down and tried again, dialing the number with shaking fingers. I shivered and I wrapped my towel tighter around myself. "The blame should be equally distributed."

"So I guess this means I won't get my steak then, huh?" He said after a few moments of silence.

I glared, ready to kill him with the plastic phone in my hands. I was about to do it when the person on the other end finally answered.

"Hello?" Rosalie trilled in a sing-song voice. "May I ask who's speaking?"

"Yeah... Rose... It's me..."

"OMG, LEAH! You crazy bitch, where have you been? Emily, Alice and I have been calling you non-stop. You missed a great time at the club last night."

"Shut up, ho. I need you to come pick me up."

"That was my next question. Why are you calling from the aquarium?"

"I've gotten into a little... trouble..." I mumbled.

"What did you do?" She asked.

_It's what I didn't get to do that has me pissed... _I thought as I glanced at Jacob, who was watching the T.V. on the security guard's desk. I gestured to his fly and motioned for him to X.Y.Z. He nodded and zipped up his wet jeans, somewhat awkwardly on his plastic chair.

"Nothing, really. But it's just a huge misunderstanding... Please come and get me..." I said. "And bring a change of clothes." She sighed.

"Okay, I'll be right over. You're lucky it's my day off and I have nothing to do, Lee." She made to hang up, but I stopped her. "What now?

"Can you get Emmett to come over here too?" I asked.

As if on cue, Emmett must have come into the room because I could hear him talking. Actually, it was more like yelling. Emmett could be so ghetto sometimes.

"Why?" She asked, wary of my answer.

"Because Jacob is here too?" It was a question.

"Oh no. Don't tell me that you finally attempted to kill him and now you're in for assault." She groaned.

"It's not murder..."

"Then what is it?"

I glanced over at him again, trying to stall. But I couldn't stop the inevitable.

"I would say it's more like public indecency."

* * *

**OKAY! You twisted my arm. Next Outtake will be in Emily's POV. **

**I know we're all dying to get the deets on the night that changed everyone's lives...**


	13. Outtake 2: Sam and Emily's Playtime

**OUTTAKE TIME! SAM AND EMILY ARE THE CUTEST COUPLE!**

**I'm sorry for any Sam/Leah fans that stumble across this, but I think they are just so wrong for each other. It takes out a lot of the drama if they're never together in the first place. **

**Next chapter will be sometime after I get a new burst of creative writing energy. It will probably be the next time I am bored at home, or in Study Hall, or during science. (No wonder I have a B!)**

**And notice how nice I was! I gave you a nice, tall glass of mouth-watering lemonade! And it's extra long! No need to thank me!**

**BTW, did anyone see the Halftime Show for the Superbowl? I LOVE THE BLACK EYED PEAS! And when they bought out Usher, I nearly died. I swear, the Saints got royally screwed over with their halftime show. Who the fuck are 'The Who?' **

**I'm sorry, but give me Lil' Weezy (Wayne, for those who don't know), or give me death!  
**

* * *

**Outtake #2: Sam and Emily's Playtime**

**EmPOV**

After we finished eating lunch, Leah left in a huge rush, mumbling something about whores. I figured that she was going to do something to Isabella. They hated each other with a burning passion, so Leah was always looking for an excuse to bother her. For once, I didn't stop her. Bella Swan was a Class A whore and an extreme bitch. If anyone deserved to knock her off of her cubic zirconium-encrusted pedestal, it was Leah.

Alice had gone back to the office to finish up some work, and Rosalie went off to meet up with Emmett for their daily quickie. I was all alone. I contemplated going home to change before I went back to the office. The outfit I was wearing did no good. It was like Sam didn't know I existed. Despite what Leah had told me, I didn't think Sam cared.

Maybe it was time for me to move on.

As I exited the restaurant, I checked my purse for the extra set of car keys. When I didn't find them, I figured that I had left them in my desk drawer again. I walked back to the office. It wasn't that far away, but Rosalie and Leah always insisted on driving everywhere to show off their cars.

When I got to the building, I looked up at the open garage out of instinct. I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of Leah, wearing a scarf over her head and sunglasses followed by Jacob. They jumped into his car.

I didn't want to know... Leah did some crazy things sometimes.

By the time I got to my office, the place was beginning to fill up. I remembered that I had a long meeting, so I hurried to the boardroom. I searched the place settings for my name, then sighed.

I had to sit next to Sam. A couple minutes later, the meeting began, and Sam walked in before I could move his card.

Ten minutes later, I was regretting not taking the rest of the day off.

"If we do not secure this account, we won't..." I was barely listening as Edward Cullen droned on and on in his usual pompous tone. Looking around the room, I noticed that Leah and Jacob were gone and so was Rosalie. Since Alice and Emmett didn't work in accounting, they didn't need to be here. When Sam had come in, we exchanged polite greetings, but we had no time to talk before Cullen began the meeting. Right now, Sam was next to me, his hands folded in his lap, playing with his cell phone behind a notebook. I was just doodling in the margins of my day planner. It was all I could do to keep myself from falling asleep.

Edward had turned around to gesture to his Power Point Presentation when Sam nudged me. I looked up, only to see a picture of Edward's distorted ass on the screen. I laughed, then coughed quickly to cover it up. Sam had probably used some picture-editing device on his cell phone. He pressed a few buttons and suddenly, people began to pull out their cell phones and smile. Mine buzzed a few seconds later, accompanied with a picture and a cute note.

_Nice ass, Cullen... ;)_

I looked up and smiled tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. Cullen noticed everyone suppressing their laughter, and luckily, he was so angry, he dismissed us earlier than scheduled. I was gathering my stuff when Sam spoke.

"Um... Emily...?" I looked up at his handsome face, which was flushed a deep scarlet. "I... I... I was wondering if you... ?"

To surprised to function, I stared, speechless. He mistook my silence for a negative answer. I felt like I was back in high school. In the good way, of course.

"Or we could just go on Saturday, or maybe you don't want to... I mean... Well... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." He picked up his briefcase and began to walk away. Hurriedly, I grabbed his arm before he could go any further.

"I'd love to, Sam." I said. He smiled widely, showing off his deep, swoon-inducing dimples.

"Really?" I nodded. "Okay, well, we could go to the Japanese place down the street. But I know this really nice Tex-Mex place. Their chili is really good and it's super casual so we don't have to wear our work clothes. I mean, it's your choice."

With a sudden surge of confidence, I put a finger to his lips. "Shhh... I'll go home and change, and you can pick me up at my apartment." He just nodded.

The board room was still bursting with people, but it felt like Sam and I were the only two people in the world...

* * *

I finished my shower quickly. With Seth's help, I managed to find a bottle of Leah's special, strictly forbidden fuck-me-like-an-animal scented body wash that she claims makes men go crazy. I convinced myself that she wouldn't kill me because of how close we were.

_She would never kill someone she loved_. That's what Seth told me before he left for his date. It was easy for him to say since he was most likely not coming back. Seth could be quite the Casanova when he wanted to be.

Once I got out of the shower, it was time to deliberate my outfit. Sam would be arriving at seven, so I wanted to be ready. An hour later, at ten minutes to seven, I finally chose a suitable ensemble. I struggled to put on the tightest pair of jeans I owned and took out my favorite argyle sweater since it was chilly outside, and I decided to wear a pair of brown swede platform heels. I set out my sweater and shoes so I could put on my make-up

Just as I was about to apply my eyeliner, there was a knock on the door. I threw on my robe to cover my bra and answered it. Sam was on the other side, looking handsomely uncertain with a bouquet of daisies in his hands. I wonder how he knew that those were my favorite flowers.

"Sam!" I greeted enthusiastically. "Come in. I'll be ready in a jiffy. I'll take those and put them in water." I gently pried them from his hands. I wondered why he was so nervous.

"Thanks." Was all he said, still smiling like an idiot. _But he's my idiot... My lovable, sexy, idiot..._

I ran back to my room and threw on my clothes as fast as I could. A dusting of blush and a small amount of eyeshadow was going to have to do for the time being. I had been planning to do something more with my hair, but there was no time. Instead, I flipped my head over and back, brushing out the flyaway hairs that framed my face.

I was as ready as I'd ever be.

When I emerged from the hallway, Sam turned quickly. He was still standing near the island counter top.

"You look really pretty, Emily." I tried to ignore my stomach's intense gymnastics as I thanked him. The flowers were still on the counter top.

"I'll put these in water really quick, and then we'll get going." I said, grabbing the flowers and taking an empty vase from a cabinet. I filled it with water and placed the flowers inside, setting it in the middle of the counter top. Then, I turned and smiled, walking towards him. "Ready?"

Then we left the loft, butterflies in my stomach. We ate our dinner and talked the whole time. I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun. Sam was the perfect gentleman and I found myself falling for him more and more.

"Seriously, we were stoned beyond belief." Sam said as we laughed and exited the restaurant. "I couldn't even remember what had happened the next morning. Mixing weed and liquor is like putting ketchup on your Fruity Pebbles."

"You were quite the party animal in college, weren't you?" I asked. He nodded and put his jacket over my shoulders to shield me from the chilly air.

"What about you? You and Leah seem like you'd have had fun back in those days."

"Me?" I said, smelling the inside of the coat. It smelled like laundry detergent **(There is nothing like a guy who can do his own laundry well.) **and cologne, and it was really warm. "Not really. I stayed at my dorm room. My friends and I watched movies for fun." He laughed. "I know. I was a nerd."

"No." Sam replied, instantly contrite. "I like it." I blushed, but luckily, at that moment, we arrived home.

And I knew I was in big trouble...

* * *

I crushed my mouth to his, trying to convey the depth of my passion. My hands tangled in his hair, scooting closer to him so that my breasts pressed against his hard chest. Sam's tongue ran over my bottom lip before moving into my mouth. Slowly, our kiss grew more heated, hungrier. His hands held my face securely to his as his tongue battled with mine for dominance. Sam bit my bottom lip, sucking on it. I was gasping for breath when we broke away, my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. His hands moved so that they cupped my breasts.

With all gentleness gone, he plumped one breast up so that the erect nipple was pointing out. With wide eyes and a trembling body, I watched as he bit and sucked at the nipple until it was bright red. I moaned loudly, my body internally screaming for him. He turned his attentions to my other breast, teasing me into a writhing, sweating mess. His hands gripped my hips tightly, moving lower to massage my ass. The room was so hot I could have sworn I was burning from the inside out. Everywhere he touched lit a bonfire within my skin, despite the cold counter top under my legs. His teeth scraped over my body dangerously, and I was soon moaning a stream of profanities.

"Emily, baby," he said lowly. "You have to move back a little."

But he leaned forward, taking my earlobe between his teeth, and I forgot how to do anything but melt in his arms. My hands ran down his chest, memorizing the feel of the muscles beneath my fingers. I leaned down, making a circle with my tongue around his left nipple, hooking my fingers into his belt loops. A barely audible groan left his lips. His hands took hold of my hips almost too tightly and set me down hard beside him.

"Don't make me wait, Sam..." I moaned, desperately unbuttoning my shirt.

"You just keep asking for it, don't you?" he growled. "You keep begging me to fuck you."

"Hell yes," I breathed. His mouth descended onto mine for a bone-melting kiss. I couldn't remember how to think, I couldn't remember how to breathe. I couldn't even remember my name.

"I remember the first time I saw you. You came walking into my office, looking absolutely fuckable. You delivered the file, then introduced yourself, and then you giggled. Fuckin' giggled like the tease you are. Do you know how hard it was for me to stay in my chair? Not to bend you over my desk and fuck the shit out of you...?" His hand went between my legs, playing with the wet, silky folds of my aching cunt. I gasped, the pleasure slowly building inside me. His thumb roughly rubbed my clit so hard that it should have been painful. I made a high pitched, distorted noise, thrusting my hips into his hand. His dirty words made me gush like a waterfall and I knew he felt it.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Sam lifted me slightly off the counter so that I hovered over his dick. His brown eyes were dark with lust and some other unfathomable emotion, speaking to something deep inside me. I felt as if a wire was attached to deep inside my core, pulled taunt and thrumming with desire. His hands scorched into my skin, burning me. I nearly wept with the need for him to fill me.

Abruptly, he entered me roughly, almost too roughly. The pain instantly converted to pleasure and a loud scream left my lips. Sam's growl filled my ears and he pressed my hips further onto him. "Fuck." He entered me again, my pussy craving him with each passing second. The head of his member brushed against my opening, and I moaned. Then he let go and I cried out, my eyes clenched shut.

"Yes," I whimpered. "Oh fuck, _yes_."

Sam's eyes locked onto mine. "Scream for me, Emily. I want the world to know you're mine and mine alone." He began to increase his pace, filling me and exiting me so fast that my eyes rolled back from the pleasure. My breathing was heavy; I was panting and clinging to him like the sweat that clung to my skin. His hands cupped my ass, allowing him to manipulate my body better. With white-hot ecstasy shrieking through me, I felt his lips at my ear.

"Let me hear your scream," he commanded. "I want to hear how much you enjoy me fucking you." When he reached down to pinch my clit between my fingers, I came violently, arching and screaming into the kitchen. The sound echoed off the emerald green walls.

"Damn it, Emily," he groaned. "Oh fuck." My whole body felt as if it was on fire, dying for water, and yet loving the way the flames consumed me. My toes were curled within my heels, my body rigid from my orgasm.

I slowly regained coherency again, focusing on moving my limbs. I opened my eyes to see his eyes, clenched shut. Memorizing the sight of him, I moved off him, biting my lip against the friction that was created from his cock sliding out of me.

Now it was my turn. I slid to my knees before him so that his dick was at eye level. His member was softening, but I was determined to make him climax again. I ran my hands up his thighs, loving the way his muscles tensed under his jeans when I touched them.

He gasped sharply. I felt two hands wind into my hair tightly. "Fuck," he growled. "You damn well better finish what you started. Suck me off, Emily." I massaged his balls gently while I kept an entirely different pace with my mouth on his cock. I was beginning to learn what he liked. Scraping my teeth down his shaft, I curled my tongue around the base of him before bringing it quickly up. I knew that, just after having fucked me, the head of his dick was exceptionally sensitive.

_Thank God for 'Cosmopolitan' magazine..._ I thought as his groans filled the room.

I took every opportunity to make him moan and curse streams of profanities. I squeezed his length in my hands; I put him as deeply as I could into my mouth so that he touched the back of my throat.

"_Shit_!" he cursed, bucking his hips into my mouth. "Oh God. Fuck . . ."

I began to bob my head up and down again, eliciting deep groans and savage growls from his throat. I found that pleasuring him was making me very wet between the legs. His hands tightened into my hair as he released into my mouth. I swallowed his seed, licking up every drop from his dick. I looked up to find two very lustful eyes staring down into mine. My legs trembled from the intensity, and I nearly climaxed from that alone.

He surprised me by sinking to marble floor in front of me, grabbing my open shirt and jerking me closer to him. I felt the fabric tear slightly, and I moaned from the friction against my skin. I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me.

"How is it that I still want you...?" Sam panted between breaths. I had nothing to say, since I had been thinking the same thing. "You've been driving me crazy since I first met you..." He slid my shirt off my shoulders. Finally, he grew impatient and guided me to the floor. "I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll be screaming for days." he growled.

My hands went to his pants, struggling to undo the suddenly complicated contraption. I was hovering on the edge of my second orgasm, so close I was starting to feel pain. His hands gripped my breasts roughly, and a sharp lance of pleasurable pain shot through my body, straight to my core. I fumbled with his belt and pants, managing to shove them down. They stopped about halfway down his thighs, but I didn't care.

Without any warning, he grabbed my thighs in his hands, spreading me wide open again, and plunged his long hard cock deep inside me.

I screamed, my body seizing up in pure pleasure. "Fuck!" I screamed as he thrust into me again.

He slammed into me once more before I heard him speak. "You've never been fucked like this before, have you?" he growled. "What is wrong with the men in the world? Can't they even fuck teases like you correctly?" His hips thrust rapidly into me, and I was quickly brought to the edge.

"Oh, fucking _shit_!" I screamed as I climaxed. He grabbed my hips in his strong hands and lifted me from the floor before plunging me down onto his throbbing dick. My body was in an impossible angle, but I'll be damned if I didn't scream out at the pleasure slamming into me. He was kneeling on his knees while he fucked my too-sensitive pussy. He continued to hold my hips, angling me just so. He hit places inside me that I didn't even know existed. "Fuck!"

Sam drove himself deeper and faster inside me, not being easy on me. And God, I wouldn't have wanted him to. Nothing could have prepared me for this. For this _need_ that compelled me to meet his thrust with my hips, for him to fuck me harder, faster. I was a writhing, sweating mess. And I didn't care.

I was so close... Right there on the edge of the cliff. All I needed was one more push and I'd be falling into the world's most cataclysmic orgasm... At least for me.

The door burst open and Sam and I froze. Leah was staring at us, her mouth wide open and a surprised look in her eyes. The hallway light behind her was blinding. It wasn't long before my feelings of embarrassment overtook me and a blush spread across my cheeks. Sam squeezed my hand reassuringly as he stared at Leah as if she were a ghost.

"What the hell, Clearwater? I could have crushed..." Jacob stopped in the doorway, gazing down at Sam and I. "I guess the walls aren't soundproof after all..." Leah was still frozen, gazing at the mess in the kitchen.

I was never going to live this down.

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**So there you have it! How was it? Too dirty...? Well, I was watching Eclipse while I typed this. All I have to do is think about Taylor Lautner's abs and it's enough to...**

**Never mind. I won't go into that. You guys are much too innocent for that... heheheheheheheh...**

**AS USUAL, READ AND REVIEW!  
**


	14. Chapter 12: It's All Greek To Me

**HERE YOU GO! ANOTHER (cool?) CHAPTER!**

**I'm thinking of writing another Outtake after Chapter 15! Give me some ideas of what you want to see!  
**

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**Chapter 12: It's All Greek To Me **

**LPOV**

"Are you going to continue to ignore me?" I asked, taking a large sip of her water and burping like a truck-driver. She smacked my hand away and scowled. I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Rose! It's not like I wasn't going to tell you. But it's not something you can drop into normal conversation. 'Hey Rose, I love your skirt, let's have lunch, the Betsey Johnson sample sale is on Saturday and oh yeah, I'm fucking Jacob Black!"

"I wouldn't have minded. I live for conversations about sex! I thought you knew that!" I adjusted her skirt and flashed the finger at a perv who was trying to get a glimpse underneath. "Wait. The Betsey Johnson sale is on Saturday? But I'm getting my hair done..."

"Yeah, but whatever. Thanks for the slut-wear." I said, scowling uncomfortably. When I asked Rosalie for a change of clothes, I forgot that she dressed like a high end prostitute when not at work. She and Emmett and the rest of the male population may like that kind of thing, but I preferred my goodies safely ensconced in a pair of jeans.

We were currently at our favorite outdoor cafe, which was located near the coastline. The sun was descending slowly behind the edge of the water and the red glow made everything look etherially beautiful. Rosalie and I only came to the cafe when we needed to talk freely. Luckily, the cafe was half full, consisting of mainly gossiping aristocratic elderly women and a few token males.

"No problem." Rosalie said. She looked sheepish, suddenly, and I was confused. "So..." The waiter came up at that moment and took our orders.

"Hello, ladies. My name is Tyler, and I'll be your waiter for the evening. What would you like to order?" He said. Tyler couldn't have been more than 16. He had an apron tied around his waist and his hair was fluffy, falling into his eyes a la Justin Bieber.

"I'll have the primavera pasta with a Caesar side salad and a glass of sparkling spring water." She said, giving him the menu.

"The Italian veggie wrap with a side salad and an iced tea, please." I said. Tyler nodded and blushed as we gazed at him and he ran away quickly to put in our orders. "Now what were you going to ask?"

"Okay. You know you're my best friend, right?" I nodded. "And you know I love Emmett with all my heart, right?" I nodded again. "And you also know that I'm living single through you, right?"

"Where's this going?" I asked, impatient with the questionnaire.

"I have a point, bitch!" She giggled. "Anyway, I just have to know... How's the sex?"

I was stunned and a little jealous. "Rosalie! You're married!"

"Oh, shut up. I don't want Jacob. That's gross." She wrinkled her nose. "It would be like making out with Jasper. Trust me, Jacob is like a little brother to me."

"He's older than you."

"That's beside the point. And you're evading the question. Now tell me!" She giggled. I sighed.

"Honestly...?" I asked, kind of embarrassed. Rose nodded eagerly. "It's fucking amazing..."

"Ah-hah! I knew it! You're meant for each other." She crossed her arms and set them on the table, which meant that she was going to get all 'advice-y' on me. "I always say that when the sex is amazing then you can be eighty percent sure that you're soul mates. At least that was the case with Emmett."

"How did you find the other twenty percent?" I asked, amused. Rosalie was so sex-crazy, it was almost sad.

"Uh, duh. Emmett's hot." She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Rose..." I chided. "You can't base a relationship off of looks and sex alone."

"Why? I've been doing it for five years and it's been going great. More than great actually." She sipped her water. "In fact, just last night, Emmett and I were..."

"Oh My God!" I half-yelled, throwing my hands over my ears. An old woman in the booth across from us narrowed her eyes at us and I smiled apologetically. "Stop it!" I hissed when the woman looked away. "I do not want to hear about your and Emmett's overactive sex life. I actually enjoy sleeping at night."

"You haven't been doing much sleeping these days..." She trilled wickedly, causing me to roll my eyes again. "Hey. Don't be ashamed, Leah. When two people fight as much as you two do, there's bound to be some sexual tension. We even bet on it."

"What?"

"Well, after you slapped him after that meeting, all of us at the LBC took out bets to see how long it would take for you two to get together. And because of you and your weakness for orgasms, I'm out of fifty bucks."

"That's all my sex life is worth to you guys?" I asked. "Fuckin' cheapskates."

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen. Alice bet a hundred, if it makes a difference." Rosalie finished her water. "So. You like Jacob, don't you?"

"Correction: I _tolerate _him. I wouldn't be screwing the guy if I didn't _tolerate _him." I retorted, placing an extra emphasis on 'tolerate.'

"Okay, so you're gonna fuck your doorman too because you '_tolerate_' him?" I was silent and she shook her head. "Save it for someone who'll believe you. You _like_ him." I took a moment to think while Tyler served us our food and drinks. "You've been in a considerably better mood since you two have started hooking up."

"Which was three days ago..." I muttered. "Hardly enough time for a _relationship_, if that's what you're implying_._"

"Doesn't matter. You've been working closely with the guy for three years. I bet you can even tell me what cologne he wears."

"Hugo Boss." I replied automatically. She raised an eyebrow. "It's my favorite. Of course I remember." I said in my defense.

"And you're different with him. Any other guy pinches your ass and he walks away with half a testicle and a black eye. Jacob does it, and all he gets is an empty threat and a blush. And don't deny it because I see it all the time. And don't even bother mentioning 'The Stapler Incident.' You were PMS-ing. "

"But I don't even want a relationship anyway, at least right now I don't. That's like opening myself up for hurt. And I don't want that."

"You don't know that that will happen."

"Where have you been for the past couple years, Rose? He has a new fuck bunny every night."

"I think I know what your problem is, Clearwater." But instead of telling me straight away, she paused. "Remember that guy from way back when? The one you used to go out with back at Stanford?"

"Parker?"

"You were head over heels for him, but as soon as he proposed, you balked. And then you just dumped him out-of-the-blue."

"It was too soon for that!" I said. "I was in college, getting ready to go to one of the most prestigious law schools in the country. I didn't want to throw that away for some guy."

"I know." Rosalie leaned back and looked over at the sunset. "But if you continue to have that attitude, Jacob will move on and before you know it, you're well on your way to being an old maid with twenty-seven cats. I know you, Leah, and I can read you. You _more-than-tolerate _him and I'll be damned if you're going to mess up this chance at love because you're too damn stubborn to let go of your commitment issues."

"So you're saying that I'm a commitment-phobe?" I asked, wringing the cloth napkin in my lap.

"Not so extreme, but you are showing some signs of it. For such a smart woman, you can be kind of dumb sometimes."

"Gee. Thanks."

"Don't take that the wrong way. I'm just saying that you can be too cautious sometimes. Remember what you told me when Emmett and I first met? After I dumped that ice-water over his head in the quad and he just laughed and asked me out?"

"You'll get that stain out?" What did that have to do with anything...?

"No! After that?"

"I told you to go for it."

"And what did I end up doing?" She swallowed her pasta and wiped her mouth, smirking confidently.

"Well, after you called me a crazy bitch and made me help you get the stain out of your sweater, you went out with him. And you ended up fucking on the first date, which, to you, meant that Emmett was the one." I said, repeating the story she must have told me about a million times.

"Exactly." She sat back and smiled triumphantly. "Now, promise me that you're going to give him a chance. You may not see it, but you guys are so cute together. You know, 'cause he's so tall and big and you're kinda on the short side and skinny. Plus, you guys are hot. If I went both ways and wasn't married to the best man in the universe, we'd definitely be on for a threesome."

"ROSE!" I exclaimed, gazing at my best friend with wonder and giggling like an idiot. Before I could say anything else, Tyler came up with a chocolate cake, setting it down along with two spoons. His face was a very adorable shade of red.

"Excuse me, Tyler." Rosalie spoke up, looking at me in confusion. "We didn't order this."

"Ummm..." He shuffled his feet and blew his overgrown bangs away from his eyes. "Those guys at the bar paid me fifty bucks to bring this over to you." He jerked a finger in the direction of the bar. We looked around to get a glimpse of the guys. They waved and we awkwardly waved back. I was getting definite 'skeeve' vibes from them, and one look at Rose told me that she was too.

"I like my men big. You know I have a weakness for huge muscles." Rose whispered, despite the bumbling teenager standing before us. "Like Emmett. These guys don't give off any 'Emmett' vibes. They're not even hot."

"You got that right." I hissed back. Then, I turned to Tyler and thanked him, paying for our meal and leaving him a nice tip. He walked away, thanking me profusely.

"Hey. You never answered my question. Promise me that you'll at least give Jake a chance..."

"Okay, Rose. I'll do it. But if there's one pr..."

"There won't be! I know these things."

"You sound like Alice." I muttered.

"I know." She giggled. "Now, lets give those pervs something to jack off to tonight."

"Yes. Lets..." We proceeded to pick up our utensils and eat the delicious cake in the most sexual way possible.

_It's so hard being this hot..._

**(Okay. Leah is willing to give him a chance. Now that that's over, let's move on to Jacob. This is happening at around the same time as Rose and Leah's convo, so there's no need to be confused about time constraints.)**

_**Phew...**_

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**JPOV**

"This has got to be the most embarrassing situation I have ever gotten myself into... And there's been a lot..." I muttered, downing the contents of my beer. "Now Leah won't even talk to me anymore. And on Monday, I'm probably going to end up with half a testicle and a busted lip..."

"You need to lay off the beer." Emmett said, stuffing as many nachos as he could fit into his mouth, then tossing it back sloppily with his beer. Watching Emmett eat was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen. Sometimes, I didn't know how Rosalie dealt with it. "And Leah's not going to do anything. Calm down."

"She didn't want anyone to find out..." I moaned. "The only way to deal with my impending sterilization is to get myself good and drunk, then kill myself. I'm thinking about OD-ing. Less pain... Can you overdose on gummy vitamins?" I asked, thinking of the abundance of them I kept in my bathroom cabinets for my nieces and nephews when they visited. The waitress walked over with another beer and I dove into it without looking up. Emmett stopped chewing long enough to look at me. I tried to avoid his eyes, but eventually, I got annoyed.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" I mumbled, my vision getting kind of hazy. I was only on my second beer... _or was it the seventh...? _I thought as I looked down at my empty mug. "Oh no... I need more beer... I'm all out again..." I moaned pathetically.

"Oh. My. God." Emmett had a dumbfounded expression on his face. Like he had just had an epiphany or something, for example, like the time he figured out how to work his blender to make a protein shake. "Dude..."

"Whatsa matter?" I muttered, the words slurring a little at the end.

"Hold on." He called the waitress back over to our booth and asked for more salsa for his nachos. I asked for another beer. She bounced away, her fake, flaming red hair smacking me slightly when she turned. "What did you think of her?" He pointed a cheese covered finger in the direction she had just disappeared. There was an emphasis on the question, as if it were of the utmost importance.

I glanced at her retreating back, then looked away, shrugging. "Cute, I guess. Not my type." The waitress was a little too emaciated for my liking, with surgical silicon balloons for breasts. I prefer my women a little shorter, with black hair and curvier hips and hazel-brown eyes and natural breasts...

"AH HAH!" He exclaimed, opening his mouth wide and giving me an unwanted look at the chewed food inside, thoroughly jolting me out of my musings. "I knew it! I finally got something before Rose!"

"What?" I asked. "And please stop yelling. My head hurts and I don't want to see your half chewed food man."

"Sorry." He swallowed. "But, I still got it. Dude, you're whipped. Leah Clearwater has you wrapped around her finger and there's nothing you can do about it. Not that you want to do anything anyway."

"Me?" I said, snapping to attention. "Me? Whipped? I think you're confusing me with you. I am not whipped. Jacob Black is not whipped."

"You're lying! Save it for someone who'll believe you." He pointed at the waitress at the bar, who was bent over cleaning a spill. "Before Leah, that waitress was your type, along with other chicks like Isabella Swan- what were you thinking, by the way- but now, you barely spare a glance at them. Jacob, you are whipped."

"Can you, like, stop saying that?" I begged wearily.

"Aw, buddy... It's okay." He soothed. "Besides, it's not so bad once you get used to it. Look at Rose and me! We're still okay."

"Why does she even love you?" I asked, downing the contents of my beer. Another one appeared before me and I dove into it. My eyesight was starting to get fuzzy.

_Good thing I'm not the designated driver..._

"I resent that! Rose and I are a perfect match. Look at her... And then look at me!" He flashed me a version of what he considered a 'male-model' face and I grimaced. "We're a match made in heaven."

"So basically you love each other because you're 'hot?'" I retorted, scowling when he raised an eyebrow.

"Nope, that's not all." He muttered petulantly. "You see, Jacob. Rosie has needs, and luckily, I fufill them. I mean, no one else would be able to-"

"STOP!" I yelled, cringing and throwing my hands over my ears. "Oh, for the love of God, stop it!" Images of Emmett and Rosalie going at it threatened to fil my brain and I gulped down more beer to stop it. I had walked in on them more than once. After walking in on them in his office the third time, I had learned to keep away until after lunch was over.

"Oh, come on. All adults do it!" He cried.

"Emmett, I don't want to hear about you and Rosalie's overactive sex life. Contrary to what you might believe, I don't like having nightmares..."

"Oh, don't be such a princess." He chided, pushing his empty plate away and letting out a huge, dirty belch. "And you don't honestly believe that I wanted to hear about you and Leah like I did. It's a good thing I outgrew some clothes, or you'd be naked right now. What were you thinking? Who hooks up near a water filter?"

"I wasn't thinking. She just grabbed my hand and then... Well, yeah." I said. "But at least we didn't get into trouble. She's one of the best at the LBC for a reason."

"Fuck that. I knew you weren't going to get into too much trouble. But you could have killed all the innocent fishies!"

"Seriously?"

"Well, yeah. They don't deserve to die because you think with your dick and not your head."

I was stung. "That hurt... You just cut me deep man..."

"You'll get over it soon enough, bro. Now, tell me how you're feeling."

"'Bout what?" I asked.

"About Leah, fool!" Emmett said. "C'mon. Now's a good time to put my Oprah knowledge to good use." Well, he is the only person I know that watched Oprah faithfully everyday. When he heard that they were canceling the show, he spent the whole day in a depressed state, taking a day off from work to watch the show DVDs and cry into pints of Ben and Jerry's. Not even Rosalie in a negligee snapped him out of it.

I shuddered with the thought...

"Well... I like her... A lot..."

"And...?"

"But... I'm not sure that she's looking for a relationship. Like me. I like living a single life. And I pretty sure she does too, you know... But it's hard to tell where I stand with her sometimes. She could be annoyed with me one minute and then kissing me the next. It's confusing."

"Jake, women are confusing in general." He agreed. "But I know what you mean. Whe we first started out, Rosalie was the same way. I like to think that she was testing me. And I obviously passed because she married me." He paused. "You obviously care about her. And from what Rosalie tells me, Leah does too, she just shows it in a different way."

"What should I do then?" I asked, surprised at how wise and serious he was being about this.

"I think you two should talk. See where you stand. Then date. Don't completely commit, just in case she gets scared, but take it slow. You see, women are like deer. Perfectly calm and collected when everything is going smoothly, but startled when it isn't. Then, their first instinct is to run and they do. The key is to be patient."

I was stunned into silence.

"Oh yeah. Don't underestimate the power of Oprah man. That's some deep stuff. But consider what I said. I think you two will be good together and good for each other."

"Yeah..." I had a lot to think about. Another plate of nachos and chicken wings appeared in front of us.

"Now, mi amigo por vida, let's eat!" Emmett said, digging in ravenously, his trademark dimply grin returning. Oprah-fied Emmett was nowhere in sight. I sighed and started to eat too, my mind running a mile a minute.

I'll listen to Emmett. I'll talk to her and see where we stand...

I just hope that I like what I hear...

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**THERE! Are you happy! Cause I sure am! That took a lot out of me! I'm going to go stuff my face with rejuvenating junk food so I'll muster up enough energy to start up another chapter.**

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	15. Chapter 13: I Do

**This is the conclusion to the 'Will They? or Won't They? question. Next chapter might be an outtake, or just a regular chapter, but either way, I'll try to make it as good as possible. **

**BTW, I reposted Everything I Own. I just felt the need to do some reconstruction on the story and now I am positively ecstatic at the result of my first and second chapter. Make sure to read it! It's on my page for anyone who is interested.**

**Also, don't be confused, the entire chapter is in third person. I was originally going to make it first person, but decided against it at the last minute. And the content of this chapter was for another story I was working on, but I decided it would work so much better in this story. If there are any mistakes I have to change, just message me or review!**

**Song for this chapter: 'I Do' by Colbie Caillat.**

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**Chapter 13: I Do**

**Third Person POV**

After her pep talk with Rosalie, Leah decided to go to Alice's place for more advice. Plus, Alice had the best liquor cabinet in town, leftover from her wine-tasting days. They were currently perched on Alice's suede couch, three bottles of wine in front of them. Two of them were empty and Alice's first glass remained untouched as she tried to help her friend.

"Could we have another bottle of wine, please?" Leah asked.

"Maybe another bottle isn't such a great idea." Alice mumbled, prying the third bottle from Leah's fingers. "I don't think I've ever seen you this drunk."

"Another bottle is the best idea I've had all week. I feel great."

"Right." Alice wiped the corners of her glass coffee table with her napkin, seeing dust that wasn't there. "So, does Jacob know how you feel?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because we're friends... No, frenemies... With benefits. And as soon as I tell him how I feel everything will be weird and awkward and wrong and nothing will ever be the same again. Despite what Rosalie is telling me, I just can't work up the courage to tell him."

"Maybe. But what if he feels the same?"

"He doesn't. Believe me. Mr. Love-Em-And-Leave-Em?" Leah focused on Alice as she appeared to take away the wine. "Leave the bottle..."

"How do you know if you've never asked?" Leah made a big show out of pretending to think it over, cocking her head to one side theatrically. "Hmm. Let me see. Because he's been screwing anything with a pulse for the past couple years I've known him. Because his nickname on the eighth floor is 'Da Man'? Oh and don't forget that charming announcement he made to Bella in the break-room saying that any type of commitment is like... Oh yes, the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot... Twice. That was a bit of a giveaway." Leah took another big slug of wine. "He's not interested in me. He'll never see me as more than his friend... Frenemy... With benefits... He'sjust not a long term guy and I'm a long term type of girl."

Alice opened her mouth. Then she closed it without saying anything. She tugged at her jacket nerviously.

Leah eyed her over the top of her glass. "What?"

"Nothing." Alice said, taking a demure sip of her wine.

"Come on, Tink. You're dying to say something. I can practically see the words forming in a speech bubble above your head." Leah stumbled over the word practically, but she was confident she got the gist of it.

"Okay, fine. I never thought I'd see the day when Leah Clearwater was a pussy about something."

Leah blinked. "A pussy. You're calling me a pussy? No one's called me that since high school." But then she thought about it. "Well, that's right, I am. A big old pussy. Me-fucking-ow." She jabbed a thumb at her own chest. "I'm one of the best lawyers in the state for a reason, Alice."

Alice waved a hand in the air, dismissing the defense with the flick of her brightly lacquered nails.

"I worked my way through years and years of school, graduating top of my class and handling a high-profile case just two months shy of graduating." Leah said. "I saved and planned and worked hard to put myself through law school. Those are all pretty non-pussy things."

"They are." Alice agreed. "But none of that counts if you don't do this. You need to tell him..."

"No I don't." Leah couldn't believe Alice was giving her a hard time over this. She'd expected sympathy and support after spilling her big secret, not a pep talk on being assertive.

"You need to tell him," Alice said again.

"You're nuts."

"What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Leah slurped more wine before answering. "He could laugh at me. Worse, he could feel sorry for me. Then, we'll never be able to fuck again, and I'll die of horniness."

"He might. But he might not."

"That's not a risk I'm prepared to take."

"So you'll live your whole life never knowing?" Alice reached across the couch and grabbed both of Leah's hands. "Listen to me. I know you're as drunk as a skunk or we wouldn't even be having this conversation, but you need to talk to Jacob. Men like Jacob do not act like this when they just want a quick fuck. Trust me. Jasper was the same way before I got to him."

Leah squeezed her friend's hand and blinked. Three Alices wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. "You're a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to your bathroom now and throw up."

She staggered to her feet and made her way across the living room to the bathroom. Once she was in, she braced herself against the toilet and waited for her lunch to make a return appearance. Nothing happened, and after a few minutes the world stopped spinning quite so madly and her stomach settled.

A rap sounded on the door.

"Lee. How you doing?" Alice asked.

"I'm okay. No regurgitation to speak of so far."

"Always a good sign. Want me to call you a cab?"

"It's okay. I can do it."

Ten minutes later, she was stumbling up the elevator to her building. Alec helped her into the elevator and into her apartment, giving words of encouragement to whatever was 'buggin his favorite tenant.'

"Drink lots of water." had been Alice's last words before she rolled Leah into the cab, but it was their prior conversation that had her thinking.

"Am not a pussy." She told her front door, then kicked it.

Just because she'd chosen friendship... frenemy-ship... frenemy-with-benefit-ship... over the possibility of something happening between her and the man she more than liked did not make her a coward. It made her sensible. Practical. Realistic. Leah Clearwater was nothing if not those things.

She toed off her high heels and walked to the kitchen, zigzagging from one wall to the other. She flung open the pantry door and dug around until she found a dusty old bottle of port hidden up the back behind the spices.

"Knew you were in there somewhere," She said to the bottle, thankful that no one was there to witness her insanity. She poured herself a good glassful and sipped at it, pulling a face at how sweet it was after the crispness of the sauvignon she'd been drinking with Alice. Still, it was the only alcohol she had in the house and it would do the trick.

_I never thought I'd see the day when Leah Clearwater was a pussy about something. _

Leah growled and took a big gulp of port. "Get out of my head, Tink." She swatted the air next to her head impatiently.

But her inner Alice-and-Rosalie voice simply wouldn't bug off. It followed Leah into the bathroom, calling her a coward and asking the same thing over and over.

_What's the worst thing that could happen? _

_What's the worst thing that could happen? _

_What's the worst thing that could happen?_

Leah stared at her reflection. The answer came from a place deep inside her. "I could find out once and for all that he doesn't feel the same way that I do." She said aloud to her reflection.

She blinked.

Wow.

Alice and Rosalie were right: She really was a pussy.

She was too afraid to find out there really was no hope. She preferred to live in a kind of never-never land where she could angst over Jacob but still indulge the fantasy that one day, maybe, if the moon and planets were all aligned, he might possibly return her feelings. Leah gripped the edge of the bathroom sink until her knuckles were white. She stared at herself in the mirror for a long, drawn-out moment. Then she nodded.

"Fine. If that's the way it has to be." The conviction in her voice didn't betray her level of inebriation. Or the momentary braveness it was providing her.

Then she swiveled on her heel and went looking for a pair of comfortable shoes.

* * *

Jacob was sitting in the dark, in his living room, staring into space. Well, not space, but the area Leah and him had occupied on that fateful night. The night of that first kiss... And more. He remembered her hooting with laughter at that horribly tacky reality show, eating more than a truck driver and charmingly burping like one, too. He gazed at the couch, at it's pillows. Jacob knew that if he were to lift the pillow to his nose, he would be able to smell the crisp apple and sunshine scent that lingered there.

He shook his head, and instantly regretted the action. Luckily, his alcohol buzz was wearing off. Jacob was thanking the gods for his high tolerance to the stuff when a sharp knock jolted him out of his thoughts. He got up and turned on the light, opening the door without gazing through his peephole.

She was giggling like a schoolgirl when the front door swung open.

"Leah? Jesus. I thought it was the police or something the way you were banging on that door." Jacob said, by way of greeting.

"Policewomen don't wear Manolos." As usual, she was ready with a quick reply.

Jacob peered at her. "Have you been drinking?"

"A little. But that's not important. We have bigger fish to fry, friend o' mine. I mean, frenemy o' mine... I mean frenemy-with-benefit o' mine."

Jacob raised an eyebrow but stood to one side. "Come on in." She stumbled past him. He knew she didn't realize that Rosalie's suede skirt had ridden up and the very sight of her slim, tanned leg was giving him a hard-on to end all hard-ons.

Leah followed him inside, stopping in her tracks when she got her first good look at him under decent lighting. He was barefoot and wearing his own clothes: a pair of very dark jeans and a v-neck white t-shirt. His arms were crossed, highlighting his strong forearms. His dark hair was tousled. He had the exact perfect amount of five-o'clock shadow.

He looked good enough to eat. Strong and sexy and gorgeous. Irresistible.

And all hers...

"Look at you." Leah threw her hands in the air, exasperated and overwhelmed in equal measure. Her words slurred slightly and Jacob held her arm as she swayed. "I come over here with a little speech all ready to go to kind of ease you into it, and here you are, standing around being so bloody gorgeous and fuckin' sexy. How am I supposed to react? What am I supposed to do? Huh? You tell me."

Jacob froze. "What?" Out of all the things he'd expected her to say, that wasn't one of them. But that was one of the things he loved about her.

At his silence, she gestured dramatically again. "God, Jake, do I have to say it a million times, spell it out for you in ninety-foot letters? What do you want from me? I love you, Jacob Black. I love you, I love you, I love you. There, happy?"

"You're drunk."

She took a step toward him, then another, until they were standing head to chest, barely an inch between them. She leaned toward him, just enough to feel the heat of his body against hers. She reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt, her hands curling into fists around the fabric.

"Yes, I am drunk. Very drunk. But that does not change what I am about to say to you. Jacob Black, I have loved you since you had the nerve to flirt with me three years ago and I didn't chop off your balls. Even when you started stealing my parking spot, I loved you. It made me so happy when we started... well, you know, and I realized that sex with someone you love is much more explosive than you could even comprehend. Remind me to thank Rosalie for that piece of advice. I know you're not perfect, but I think you're wonderful. Sexy and clever and strong and talented and smart and lovable and... and really really sexy. Did I mention that already…?"

She shook her head to clear it. Not a great idea. The room spun a little. Time to cut to the chase. "Anyway. That's how I feel. I think you're the bee's knees. The cat's pajamas. The ant's pants. If you were mine, there was no way I would ever have even glanced sideways at another man like that ho, Bella. Why did you like her anyway...? It doesn't matter because I love you..."

She released her grip on his shirt, smoothing the fabric flat against his chest before giving it a little pat and taking a step backward.

"I wasn't going to say anything, but Alice and Rosalie said I was a pussy if I didn't and I am not a pussy. Never have been, never will be. So. Here I am. And that's how I feel."

Jacob was very still. She held her breath, waiting for some sign that her words had struck a chord in him. But he simply looked blank. As though she'd thrown him the biggest curveball of his life.

* * *

Leah loved him.

He remembered the heartfelt sincerity in her wide eyes as she'd grabbed his shirt and made her declaration. Yes, she'd been rip-roaring drunk, but she'd meant every word she'd said. Launching himself from the kitchen, he grabbed his keys and ran for his car.

Four minutes later he pulled up in front of Leah's apartment building. The doorman, most likely the infamous Alec, came up to him. "You're Jacob, right?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Jacob groaned, trying to find a way around the skinny kid. All of a sudden, Alec pushed him back .

"You mess with Ms. Clearwater, you mess with me." Alec said. "She came back crying last night in that cab you shoved her into. Well, I'm not going to let that happen to her again because of you!" Alec pulled out his cellphone and started to punch in numbers. Jacob thought of Alec's contacts and realized that Leah wasn't lying about them. Desperately, he grabbed the phone and threw it at a nearby wall, breaking it instantly. "Oh, you're gonna get it now..."

"Listen, kid. I don't have time for this. Leah told me something... huge last night. I didn't know how to deal with it. I've been a huge idiot. But so help me God, if you don't let me in right now, you and your contacts are going to live to regret it. I was stupid, I know, but I'm trying to make it right and I'll be damned if I let some brat stop me. Now let. Me. In."

Alec glared at him for an immeasurable amount of time. Then, he shook his head and stepped to the side. Jacob ran past him. "If you hurt her again, Mr..." He let the threat hang in the air.

In the elevator, he scrubbed his face with his hands, suddenly understanding the full importance of Leah's drunken visit last night. She'd declared herself to him. After four whole years. And she'd be expecting an answer. A response.

She'd want to know how he felt. What he wanted. If their friendship was to remain a friendship or become something else. But there were so many things that could go wrong. So many things that might not match up. That was what it all came down to in the end: the potential for disaster. More than anything, he didn't want to disappoint or hurt Leah. She deserved better than that.

He would tell her that he loved spending time with her.

He would tell her about his doubts. And his fears. And he would see what she said in return.

And more than anything, he'd tell her he loved her too. Even if she didn't want him after his little performance the night before, at least they both could say that they tried.

"Leah. Let me in." He called as soon as he reached Leah's door.

Nothing.

"Leah. Come on. We need to talk." He could feel Leah's presence in the apartment. He continued to knock, hoping that his insistent knocking would wake her up. Luckily, her apartment was slightly isolated, so there were no complaints about noise. With a sinking heart, he almost gave up. Then, there was a slight shuffling at the door and Jacob's dormant heart gave a violent lurch of relief.

The door flew open.

His chest tightened the moment he saw her. She looked up at him and he smiled faintly when he saw she was wearing a baseball cap and big sunglasses even though she was indoors and in her favorite peach colored pajamas. Definitely hungover, then.

"Oh, God. Don't tell me I came to your place last night, as well?" She groaned.

He took a moment to respond. "You could say that."

"It‟s official. You can't take me anywhere. How embarrassing." She pushed her sunglasses a little higher on her nose. "According to Alice, I drank nearly three bottles of wine on my own last night. Can you believe that? She poured me into a taxi and sent me home. Then apparently I rolled up at her place a few hours later, wanting to party like it was 1999. I suppose you're going to tell me I did the same thing to you, huh?"

Jacob had been drunk with Leah plenty of times over the years. (They'd all needed something to get through those boring LBC dinner parties) He'd listened to her ramble on and on for hours about anything under the sun, mostly Brad Pitt, helped Rosalie hold her hair away from her face while she vomited, drank coffee and ate egg-and-bacon sandwiches to cure their hangovers with the gang the next day. Not once had he ever known her to black out.

He had to admit, it was a novel way of dealing with the situation: pretend it had never happened. Or, at the very least, pretend that she didn't remember that it had happened. The emotional equivalent of an ostrich sticking its head in the sand.

"You mostly wanted to talk, not party." Jacob said slowly, wanting to shake her and kiss her all at once.

She groaned again. "I really embarrassed myself, didn't I? What did I do? Please tell me I didn't yack on your rug."

Some of the tension eased from Jacob's shoulders. No matter what concerns he had about the future of their relationship, he couldn't help but be amused by the zeal with which she was throwing herself into her attempt at damage control.

_Meryl Streep, eat your heart out. _

"You didn't yack on the rug." he said, unable to suppress a smile.

"Bless you. One piece of good news this morning. I feel like someone parked a cement truck on my head overnight." Leah was trying hard to be nonchalant. She pressed her fingers to her forehead dramatically and started to recount some of the 'crazy antics' she'd gotten up to at Alice's place.

He watched her, admiring the performance. The throw-away breeziness, the self-deprecating jokes. He could guess exactly what had happened—she'd woken with cotton mouth and a hammering headache and remembered what she'd done. Knowing Leah, she'd probably squirmed with self-recrimination and embarrassment for a while. Then she'd come up with a plan to minimize how vulnerable she was no doubt feeling right now.

Not a very good plan, admittedly, but a plan nonetheless. And she'd been desperate enough to put that not-very-good plan into action. A huge wave of tenderness and affection washed over him as he stood in the early morning sunshine of her window listening to the love of his life pile on the baloney.

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot. But then again, so was he.

Jacob waited until she paused to draw breath. "Leah. Come on. This is me."

She started to say something, then shut her jaw with a click. He could practically hear her debating with herself, trying to decide if she should give her too-drunk-to-be-responsible-for-my-own-actions gambit another shot or not. Then her shoulders slumped and she reached up to tug her cap lower on her face.

"Could we please not talk about this?" she asked, her voice anguished.

"I think we should."

"Well, I don't. Let's forget it ever happened."

"Sorry, Lee, but it's not something I'm going to forget in a hurry."

"You should. You should just wipe it from your mind. That's what I'm going to do."

"Leah." He reached for her sunglasses, sick of not being able to see her eyes.

She shied away from him. "Don't! Don't be kind to me, Jake. Just don't."

_Kind? What the hell was she talking about?_

Before he could say anything, she launched into her tirade.

"I mean, you reacted the way any normal human being would have under the circumstances. It can't be easy to have your drunk friend... Frenemy... Frenemy with benefit arrive with no warning to drop a bombshell like that on you. And I can completely understand why you didn't say anything. I mean, you're a hot, young, sexy, attractive, sexy, successful, sexy lawyer with the world at your feet. Of course you don't want to settle down and I wouldn't want to be the one to take you away from your free bachelor lifestyle. You're like a bird, a very sexy bird, and you have oats to sow and the world to see. I mean, there's no way you would want a serious relationship when you are the way you are and have the life you have and- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"This." Jacob tugged her close and reached for her face, cupping her jaw in both his hands. He stared into her eyes, brushing his thumbs across her cheekbones. Then he lowered his mouth to hers. For a long, hot second her lips softened and opened under his. He tasted her and had to fight the primitive, carnal urge to drag her to the floor. Then she tensed in his arms, arching her upper body away from him, pulling her face from his grasp.

"Jake. Stop. What are you doing?" She was breathless. So was he.

"Kissing you. What does it look like?" He tried to kiss her again but she held him off.

"I thought we weren't supposed to be doing this. I thought we'd decided it was a mistake."

"No. _You_ decided that it was a mistake. I haven't been able to get a word in edgewise. But for two smart people, we can be pretty dumb sometimes."

He didn't give her a chance to say any more, simply lowered his head and kissed her. After a tense second her body softened and she made a small, helpless sound as her mouth opened beneath his. Desire ripped through him. She felt so good. So right in his arms. Madness to think he would ever have been able to resist doing this again. Sheer madness. Her hands clenched into his shoulder muscles and her whole body trembled as she strained closer. She wrapped a leg around his hip and rubbed herself shamelessly against his hard-on. He wanted to push her against the wall and take her standing up. He wanted to tear off her lacy camisole and lick and suck her breasts until she screamed for him to stop. He wanted to fulfill every one of the dirty, horny fantasies he'd forged in the darkened quiet of his bedroom when he first met her.

Leah pulled away roughly, tensing up again. She tried to brush past him but he grabbed her shoulders. She went very still.

"Don't touch me." Her voice sounded anguished.

"Leah—"

"No. I don't want to hear it, okay? I get it. I finally get it. And I don't want your pity or your curiosity or whatever it is. I don't want to be another notch in your bedpost."

"A couple days ago, you were happy to become just that." He spat. One look at her stricken face and he knew he'd said the wrong thing. What was it about her that made him blurt the first thing that came to his mind? But there were so many things wrong with what she was saying that he didn't know where to begin. "If you would listen to me for five seconds—"

"It doesn't matter, Jacob. Nothing you say is going to change anything. This was never going to work. You're never going to feel the same way about me. How could you?"

He wanted to shake her until the angry, empty, slightly confused (from her hangover) look left her face. He wanted to yell his denial till the rafters shook and the windows rattled. Instead, he tightened his grip on her shoulders and jerked her body against his.

"You have no idea how I feel, Leah Clearwater..." Then he kissed her again. Not gently or tenderly or patiently, the way he'd planned. Just her mouth beneath his, her body against his, as he kissed her with all the frustration and passion and need and fear in him. Her hands came up to grasp his shoulders and for a moment he thought she was going to try to push him away. Then she wrapped her arms around him and slid her tongue along his and pressed her hips forward, straining to get as close to him as possible.

When he raised his head, she looked up at him, a dazed smile playing on her lips and a glassy look in her eyes. It was awhile before she spoke.

"Oh..." She smirked. "I think I do..." She sighed. And she tugged him down and kissed him again, moaning when he kicked the door closed with a resounding bang.

* * *

_The nerve of that asshole... Why would anyone want to hurt Ms. Clearwater? That jerk ass is going to get what's coming to him... As soon as I buy another phone. Damn, the thing is irreparable. Wouldn't want to get into a fight with that Jacob guy._

Alec the Doorman was still fuming when he received a call from an angry tenant on the tenth floor of the Gilded Lily Apartment complex. All the tenants seemed to think he was their personal dog-walker/plumber/errand boy/security guard/slave. But they tipped well and the extra money was welcome, so he didn't complain. Besides, he liked most of the people in the building. Much better than the tenants at the last building he watched.

The tenth floor was Leah Clearwater's floor, and his hackles immediately rose.

"Hello?" He asked cautiously. He breathed a sigh of relief when Ms. Vanderbilt answered.

"Alec, there are banging noises coming from Clearwater's apartment." She sniffed imperiously. "I don't really care, but it's disturbing poor Tibbles. You know how she gets when she doesn't get her early morning cat nap."

"Yes. I do know." And he had the scratches and scars on his arm to prove it.

"Can you do something about it? I would, but it would take me ages, just ages, to put my face on. I will not be seen without my makeup." Ms. Vanderbilt continued.

"I'll get right on that." Alec said, cutting her off. Vanderbilt, he knew from experience, could ramble on for hours and hours. "Goodbye."

"Tata, son." She trilled before he hung up. Alec looked around his cozy doorman's booth for a weapon, just in case the noises Ms. Vanderbilt heard were more serious and dangerous than he thought. He spied a small, but durable fire extinguisher and hefted it, ready for a fight. He remembered the first time he had ever met Leah Clearwater.

* * *

_(flashback)_

_"Fuck this shit, Emily. I am so tired of that ass-hat parking in my goddamn spot. I swear to the God of Bacon, he'll pay for this one day." She yelled into her phone. Then she spied Alec and hung up after exchanging goodbyes with her cousin._

_"Alec, just the guy I needed to see." She reached into her purse and handed him two hundred dollars. "I need you to buy a Christmas present for someone."_

_Alec froze and tried to hand the money back. "But Ms. Clearwater, I wouldn't know what to buy. And Christmas is in a month."_

_"Don't worry. It's never too early for Christmas shopping. Just buy anything that you like." She said with a smile, turning away before he could protest. "I'm sure he'll love whatever you get!" She tossed over her shoulder._

_Alec knew exactly what he was going to buy. As soon as he was able to break for lunch, he'd go up the street to that fancy jeweler's shop and purchase that cool watch he'd been eying since they first put it out. Everyday, he had to pass that store in order to go to work. With all the overtime he'd been working, he was going to treat himself. _

_He was almost there, but not yet. He still had a little more to save. All of a sudden, he was filled with anger and jealousy at all the rich folks that lived in his building. He had to save and save for weeks to get a nice sweater, let alone a watch as most of his money went to his family back in Italy and to his own living arrangements. But the people in his building just tossed the money to their assistants and even their doorman to get what they wanted. They didn't appreciate anything and never thanked anyone below them._

_Alec ran to the store and purchased the watch._

_As the jeweler bagged and wrapped the watch, he felt a quick moment of happiness, then remembered who the watch was actually for. It's probably for some old boyfriend of hers, he thought sadly. She's so pretty. What a lucky man that guy was._

_When he got back to the building he ran straight up to Leah's apartment to deliver it. She thanked him and passed him a container of Vietnamese takeout soup._

_"You look hungry, kid. You need to eat something." She'd said. "But thanks a lot!"_

* * *

_It was Christmas Eve and Alec was in his usual post by the door, fiddling with the heater and turning it up as high as it would go. He was cold as hell and the uninsulated booth wasn't helping his cause. There was a sharp tap on his window and he lifted the flap to look at who it was._

_"Hi, Alec!" Leah said. She was wrapped up in a large sweater and looked slightly cold. There was a bag of takeout in her hand and she passed him a container of Thai food. "Alone on Christmas Eve?"_

_"Yeah. I couldn't get a ticket in time to visit the family in Italy." Alec said sadly. He'd managed to scape up enough money for the watch, but he had given up on getting it and by the time he'd tried to get a ticket to go home, the prices were already astronomical. He'd watched every tenant in the building traipse off to their second or third homes in places that were hell of a lot warmer than Seattle with jealousy. "Aren't you?"_

_"Nah. My mom's hooking up with her yoga instructor and Dad's honeymooning with wife number four. Her name's Bunny, you know." _

_"Where does your dad find these women?"_

_"Duh, the Playboy Mansion." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "So Seth, Emily, and I are going to have a takeout dinner in front of the tube. We'll probably even sing a carol or two... When we're good and drunk. Wanna come?"_

_"Well, I have to keep watch..." _

_"Oh please. No one is here. Come on! You know you want to." _

_Alec nodded hesitantly and climbed out of the booth, locking the door and following her up. They rode the elevator and he held the takeout bags while she opened the door. Leah's brother and cousin accosted them as soon as they got in, obviously drunk already._

_"Don't worry. They use any excuse they can to drink." She warned._

_He knew right then and there that he liked her family._

_"Alright, it's time for presents!" As soon as they were good and full of food, alcohol, and Christmas cheer, Leah clapped her hands and gathered the pile of presents under their tinsel covered tree. "Okay, there's one for you and you." She passed Seth and Emily their presents._

_"And one for you." Leah tucked a small bag onto Alec's lap and winked. "Now open them!" _

_There was an expensive looking pair of heels for Emily. In Alec's opinion, they seemed kind of stripper-ish. But Emily loved them and said something about wearing it to work. For Seth, there was a brown leather briefcase, because Leah was 'sick of all his stuff falling out of that tore-up, nasty, and stinky shoulder bag he liked to wear.'_

_Alec opened the bag and frowned speculatively at the small box inside. He lifted the amateurly wrapped present and began to tear the paper. When he saw the name of the jeweler on the top of the box, a tiny ember of hope sprang up in his chest. _

_When he opened the box and saw the watch, Alec felt tears of joy pricking his eyes. He jumped up and gave Leah a huge hug._

_"Okay. So does this mean you like it, or is this how you fight?" She asked with a laugh. _

_"How'd you know?" Alec asked as he slid the watch over his wrist, where it fit perfectly on his arm._

_"I didn't. I just told you to get something that you would like because I'm bad at buying presents. I didn't want to embarrass you and me by getting something awkwardly bad." She said, smirking when Seth snickered. "Besides, they don't give you enough credit, Alec. I just thought you needed someone to show you a little belated appreciation..."_

* * *

From that day forward, Leah and Alec were great friends, despite the fact that he worked for her. After discovering that she couldn't cook to save her life, Alec had taught her a few of his mama's secret Italian recipes. And Leah had really helped him out when he ran into trouble recently. He didn't desire her in anyway, however. Their relationship was purely platonic.

He didn't like it when Leah was sad, he'd decided the previous night. He'd seen Leah playing out every emotion. Anger, happiness, grouchiness, even horniness. But Alec had never seen Leah sad before and he decided it wasn't something he particularly liked. That Jacob guy would pay if he hurt her even more than he'd already did.

Alec ran for the elevator, pressing the button for Leah's floor and running out of the cab as soon as he could fit through the sliding doors. He ran toward her door, wielding the fire extinguisher like a madman, knowing that the bigger man would probably kick his ass ten times from Sunday However, Alec wasn't going down without a fight.

"Leah?" Alec called through the door, waiting. Then he knocked firmly, to no avail. Finally, he tried the doorknob. It turned easily and he lifted the fire extinguisher warily. Alec looked around the living room and kitchen area, raising his eyebrows at the state of disarray. He could hear banging noises from the back of the apartment and walked quietly, but quietly toward the sound.

As he came closer, he could barely make out voices and muffled words. When he reached her bedroom door, he was surprised at what he had stumbled upon.

There were crumpled clothes all around the room and two furiously moving figures writhing around under her white sheets.

Now, Alec was a virgin, but it wouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to figure out what he had walked in on.

_"Oh god... Jake..." _Leah moaned as she moved over him passionately. _"I love you..."_

_"I love you too..." _That Jake guy moaned. _"So much... So much..."_

Alec smiled brightly, averting his eyes and closing the door quietly. So that was what she had told that Jacod guy the night before. And that was why he had looked so panicked when he had arrived at the building, even though he had mistaken it for loony. He whistled as he rode the elevator down to the lobby. When he was safely inside his booth, he called Ms. Vanderbilt back.

"That banging is still going on, Alec dear." She trilled unhappily as a series of hissing and meowing sounds occurred in the background. "What's going on? Is Leah okay?"

He thought about Jacob and the scene he had walked in on. Well, maybe he wasn't so bad. But if he hurt Ms. Clearwater for real...

Let's just say Jacob would have more to answer to than just his contacts.

"Don't worry, Ms. Vanderbilt." Alec replied, turning on his television to watch Music Television. "Leah will be just fine..."

And he hung up, leaning back happily and taking in the lovely view from his booth.

* * *

**I really wanted to have Alec's point of view in this. He becomes really important as the story goes on. Don't worry, Alec and Leah are friends. I have no plans at the moment to turn him into a rival. All that stuff Leah said about Alec's crush was just to rile Jacob up. And as we can see, it all worked out in the end. **

**Next Chapter will be out by June at least. Exams are a bitch.**

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	16. Chapter 14: Good Vibrations

**You guys must get tired of hearing this, but I really am sorry! I'm a senior in high school. I have done nothing but write essays for colleges for six months. And now I have to write essays for scholarships. If I have to look at my Common Application page one more time, I'm gonna hurl. Thank god it's all over, because I don't know how much more I could take. I mean, the college application process is like a bad boyfriend. It asks too many questions, requires too much work, and always wants you to spend your money before it considers letting you do anything with it.**

**But luckily, I'm all done with the process and I've already gotten into three schools! SoI hope a 4,800 word chapter can make up for my long absence!**

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**Chapter 14: Good Vibrations**

**LPOV**

_(one month later)_

"I still don't understand why you like this show." Jacob huffed, crossing his arms and leaning backwards, taking me with him. We were spending a relaxing afternoon watching a marathon of our favorite show. "If I have to hear that orange dwarf cry anymore about cheating on her boyfriend, I'm going to off myself."

Well, it's _my_ favorite show.

"I like this show because seeing their antics makes me feel better about my oh-so pathetic life." I said sarcastically, snuggling deeper into his warmth. "I love watching people destroy their lives. It's why I'm a lawyer."

"Aren't you supposed to be dedicated to defending the innocent or some bullshit?"

"Sure, if I were _Ally McBeal_ living in _Law & Order _La La Land."

"But you're not." It wasn't a question.

"Nope."

"So I fell in love with an immoral witch. I sure know how to pick them."

Even though we'd been in our 'honeymoon' phase for at least a month now, it still gave me a thrill to hear those words. My insides turned to jelly like those heroines in the loosely plotted, trashy romance novels I read when I took bubble baths. We'd been practically inseparable nearly every day. I'd stay at his place or he'd stay at mine some nights. On days we went to work, we kept up our teasing banter. I was so happy, I didn't even mind him parking in my spot in the mornings… much.

And Rosalie was right. There's something to be said about having a middle-of-the-work-day quickie. I hadn't realized how strong his office chair was. The couch in my office has come quite in handy.

There was just one thing I hadn't mentioned to him yet… I was hoping he wouldn't react badly.

Before I could kiss him, the door to Seth's room crashed open and he appeared in the living room.

"Going on a date?" I asked, taking in his leather jacket and jeans.

"Yes. Anything to get away from you and Emily." He waved his hands in my general direction. "You guys are driving me nuts."

"Emily is at Sam's place." I said, my voice trailing off as Jacob's thumb rubbed circles around my thigh. "Besides, what's that supposed to mean?"

"All this lovey-dovey shit." He said, walking to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water and his car keys. "I can't take it anymore. And I know you two did it in my bathroom when your shower head was broken."

I pretended to think about what he'd said. "Hmmm… Jacob, I don't remember ever doing that, do you?"

He smirked, playing along. "No Leah. I don't either. I think Seth needs some proof if he's going to attempt to accuse us like this."

"Yes. I do too." With a defeated groan of exasperation, Seth turned on his heel and walked toward the door.

"I'm leaving now! Don't wait up!" Seth yelled.

"Use protection; diseases are a bitch!" I replied, turning my attention back to my favorite show.

"Thank you so much for that sisterly advice!" Seth said, then closed and locked the door as he left.

We sat in silence until commercial break and then Jacob spoke.

"I thought you cleaned up after us!" He said, referring to Seth's bathroom.

"Well, I was _about _to, until you pulled me back to my room." I hissed, pushing his hand away from my thigh. "Stop doing that! You know what happens when you do the thing with your thumb."

He flashed me a mischievous smirk and continued. "We should really stop fucking with him like that. He's going to explode one day."

"Whatever, I'm going get something to eat." I said, jumping up and leaving, knowing he would follow me. Jacob always ate at our place because he never had food at his condo, his defense being that grocery shopping made him break out in hives. Crossing to the cabinet, I inspected its contents while he rummaged through the fridge. I eventually gave up and stood next to him while he decided what he wanted.

"Pass me those olives and that weird looking cheese stuff." I ordered Jacob, raising a brow in admiration as he stretched to get it from the shelf in the fridge. When he turned back and caught me staring he smirked and tossed me the jar of olive and the block of expensive cheese, which I placed on the counter.

"See something you like?" He asked. Wanting to knock him back a few notches, I responded without missing a beat.

"Yes..." I said, opening the olive jar and shoving a few into my waiting mouth. "These juicy olives and this smelly cheese. I'm so hungry."

"Is there anything vaguely manly in this fridge?" He asked, grabbing a bottle of expensive sparkling lemonade and a roll of cake that I'd gotten from the specialty food store.

"I think Seth has a bottle of vodka in the veggie crisper. And a box of his strictly forbidden frozen chicken wings." I said, snatching the cake and lemonade from his hands. I unwrapped the cake from its packaging and took a huge bite, moaning at the melt-on-your-tongue sweetness. "Oh, this was definitely worth fifteen bucks..."

"Fifteen dollars for an oversize Twinkie?" He muttered, turning again to dig through the vegetable drawer and emerging with a moldy carrot and the nearly full bottle of vodka. "You're such a nut, Leah."

"Oh yeah?" I grabbed a piece of the cake and shoved it into his mouth, which was open so he could take a swig of the vodka. I watched with a smug grin as he chewed, seeing the emotion in his eyes vary from vague disbelief and immense satisfaction. "You like that?"

"This _is _good." He made to grab another piece, but I pulled it from his grasp in time.

"Nope. This is my cake." I said, taking a swig of my own lemonade to wash down the cake.

"That reminds me, I need to stop reading those girlie magazines you leave in the bathroom at my place." He muttered, settling for snatching the open jar of olives from my hands. "I've read more about the dynamics of a good eyebrow waxing than I really should have. But at least I now know what eye shadow will complement my complexion, you know, for special occasions."

"Why do you read them anyway?" I asked, taking the bottle of vodka and chugging down a large gulp. I pulled the bottle away, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and let out a slight belch. I was way past manners at this point. Besides, he'd already seen it all.

"Because I can't find my Sports Illustrated magazines... You wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you Leah?"

I blinked at him as I bit into a piece of cheese.

"Nope. Not a clue." I said with a bland expression and even milder tone of voice, giving nothing away. Then I smirked, thinking of them lying at the bottom of some dumpster where a horny homeless guy might find and appreciate them.

"Damn. You're a good liar." Jacob said, closing the fridge after one more inspection and moving to lean next to me. "But seriously, where are they, because one of those was a collectible."

"I'll tell you if you tell me where you tossed my secret _Playgirl _collection." I countered, then thought about it. "And my vibrator, too." I'd gotten attached to that, even going so far as to name it.

"First of all, I'm never telling you where those are because I can be just as devious as you when it comes to hiding places. Second of all… You have- I mean, had a vibrator?"

"I got lonely when you had to go on that business trip." I said, without a hint of shame.

"Aww… You missed me."

"Correction: I missed your cock… But I guess I missed the man attached to it." I said with a little chuckle as he chucked an olive at me. I responded by picking up a piece of cheese and flicking it into his hair. He laughed and continued to demolish the olives.

"You know, Seth isn't home…"

His eyes went dark and his voice got low. "Uh huh."

"He probably won't be home for a long while…"

His eyes became darker and his voice became even lower. "Yeah."

"And my shower head is fixed…"

His eyes were glued to my chest. "That's good."

"And I finally got that hole in the wall fixed from last time."

He gripped the olive jar until his knuckles turned white. "It's about time."

"And I'm pretty sure you don't want to watch anymore 'Jersey Shore…'"

He leaned in close over the counter. "Hell no."

I smirked and kissed him lightly on the lips, then yawned. "I am so tired. I think I might take a quick nap. Don't you think I need a nap to re-energize myself?"

"Uh huh."

I whirled and began to leave the kitchen. "Well, I'm gonna go now. You're welcome to join me if you're feeling tired too."

Chuckling, I skipped toward my bedroom. I'd barely made two steps when he came up behind me and lifted me into his strong arms.

"What are you doing?" I teased, winding my arms around his neck and nuzzling it. "I'm capable of walking by myself."

"I know that. But you're really tired. I don't want you to… Oh, I don't know… Faint on the way to your bedroom. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let that happen?"

"A very bad one, I guess." I replied, laughing at the tense line of his jaw, his blazing dark eyes. "Lead the way, oh mighty Tarzan…"

"I'll give you Tarzan…" He replied in a droll tone as he kicked open my bedroom door and deposited me on the bed, then paused to gaze down at me with smoldering eyes.

"What are you gonna do?" I asked, slightly breathless. I loved it when he looked at me like that. Like I was his first cold glass of water after traveling in the Sahara.

"Take off your clothes." He ordered. I couldn't pull my blouse off fast enough. I was sure I looked a sight flailing around the bed in my frantic quest to divulge myself of my jeans and flip flops.

His hands moved to my breasts, squeezing roughly. I moaned loudly and then cried out when he pinched the nipples, rolling them between his fingers tightly. The pain mixed with the pleasure, making it that much more intense. He began to rub roughly against my clit. My legs were spread wide open before him – I was fully naked and he was fully clothed. I was melting, I was sure. I would only be a puddle when he was through with me. My body began to twitch from my impending orgasm surging towards me.

Then, he stopped.

Growling in impatience, I grabbed the front of his shirt and brought myself up to him. I'd be fucking damned if I let him tease me like this.

"Don't you dare stop," I growled into his face. I brought his lips to mine, and damn it if he didn't taste absolutely delicious. His mouth attacked mine and our lips battled for dominance. His hands fisted in my hair, pulling slightly but not enough to cause any extreme pain. My legs wrapped around his back as I brought him closer. He bit my lip, sucking it into his mouth and playing with it like a toy. "You're such a tease," I moaned when he let me up for air.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll be screaming for days," he growled, then flashed one of his wolfish smirks when I moaned. "Guess you don't want that nap now…" he teased.

In retaliation, my hands went to his jeans, struggling to undo them over his erection. I was hovering on the edge of my orgasm, so close I was starting to feel pain. I fumbled with his belt and pants, managing to unfasten them and shove them down. They stopped about halfway down his thighs, but I didn't care.

I grabbed his thick, hard-as-steel cock in my hands, feeling it pulse against my skin with his need. I squeezed and he groaned loudly. Grinning, I moved my hand over the head of his dick.

Abruptly, I was pushed back onto the bed, bouncing a bit from the impact.

"And _I'm _the tease?" he said, tugging off the rubber band that was keeping my hair in a ponytail. Then he straightened and pulled his shirt off. I laughed and pulled off my bra and panties, ogling his perfect chest like a sex starved wanton. I had to work to control the drool that was beginning to form in my mouth at the beautiful sight

"God Lee…" he said, bending to kiss my neck. "When you look at me like that I just want to…"

Without any warning, he grabbed my thighs in his hands, spreading me wide open, and plunged his long hard cock deep inside me. I screamed, my body seizing up in pure pleasure.

"Fuck!" I screamed as he thrust into me again. I wound my legs around his waist and closed my eyes, digging my nails into the strong cords of muscle lining his back. "Don't stop!"

He crashed his lips onto mine, stopping my tirade. His tongue wasn't soft or gentle against mine, but filled with an insane, irrational need for what our bodies could do together. My body was on fire, craving his firm, insistent hands and mouth. He drove himself deeper inside me, not being easy on me. I gave it as well as he could dish it out, and we were meeting each other halfway. I was a writhing, sweating mess.

"Oh yes…fuck yes!" I shrieked. "Oh shit! HARDER!" I urged him closer, sliding my hands from his back to his tight ass, feeling it clench when I dug my nails in. He grasped my hips with his hands, pulling me into each one of his thrusts. I angled my hips so that he could go deeper.

"Get on your hands and knees for me baby," he ordered me, and I scrambled to obey him, knowing what we are about to do. He paused, and I sucked in a sharp breath when he rolled me face-down onto the sheets, then scooped my lower half up onto my knees. His hands grasped my hips, holding me firmly while he rocked back and forth inside her, slowly at first, then quickly becoming fast and furious. I could feel the sweat is rolling off his face onto my back as arch my back and press myself against him to meet his thrusts. He let out a deep groan and I mimicked him, knowing that this position excited him just as much as it excited me. His hand ran up and down my spine as he bent over me, brushing aside me hair and kissing and sucking my neck. I cried out when he began to bite me, shuddering with both pain and pleasure as he soothed the nipped and soothed the skin simultaneously.

"Fuck! Oh God! I'm gonna cum!" I moaned, gripping my sheets tightly when he reached below me to pinch my clit. He grabbed at my hips again and started to thrust, much more roughly. Everything inside me grew tighter and tighter until I thought I would go crazy. Pleasure slammed into me, robbing me of breath, robbing me of sense. On and on it went, my body violently trembling from orgasm. Through my pleasure filled haze, I was aware that Jacob had stopped moving and was in the throes of his own orgasm.

I felt weak and boneless. Jake was holding me tightly clamped to him as I slumped against him, dazed and weak.

"That was amazing…" I panted out through harsh breaths. He chuckled and rolled over, pulling at the sheet near his feet and pulling me down next to him. I wound my arms around his waist and tucked my head onto his chest with automatic movements.

"What time is it?" He asked. Damn him. He wasn't even winded. I had to remember that he usually got to work out more than I did. I rolled over reluctantly and sought out my alarm clock.

"It's a quarter past three," I answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's a Saturday and it's our day off and we haven't had a date night in a while. How 'bout we take an actual nap and I take you somewhere for dinner?" He asked. I smirked and nodded.

"That sounds great, but don't you need a reservation or something?" I asked, knowing that both of our cellphones were on the dining room table and there was no chance of us getting out of bed.

"Nope. I know the owner, so I always have a table available."

"You're such a snob." I teased, letting out a huge yawn and snuggling closer to him. "I'm in. Sex really works up an appetite." He kissed my forehead and leaned back, chuckling softly.

It was the last thing I heard before I fell into oblivion.

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I woke to the sound of the shower running, my head shooting up from the sheets to glance at the alarm clock on my bedside table. Ten minutes to seven. I wondered what time he was planning on leaving and why he didn't wake me up to join him. Sighing, I rolled over from where I had been lying face-down on the bed, heaved myself up onto the pillows by the headboard, and pulled a sheet over me for some modesty. A glance out of the window determined that it was going to be a nice, clear night. Perfect for a date night.

The water stopped running in the bathroom and my insides immediately tightened in anticipation. I snorted in disgust at myself, knowing that if I gave into my primal desires, we wouldn't make it to any kind of restaurant that night.

Reason didn't win out however.

By the time he emerged from my bathroom, a navy towel wrapped around his waist, I was sure I wouldn't make it through the night without a quickie at some point.

"Hey sleepyhead," He greeted, walking over and kissing me. "You're finally awake. I tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world. If you hadn't cursed at me, I would have been worried."

I smiled and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I was about to respond when a small movement under his towel made me stop.

"Shit. You can't be… Not this soon…" I said, feeling my cheeks heat up, which was ridiculous under the circumstances. "That's impossible."

"Apparently it is," he answered, not embarrassed in the slightest. "Blame your sexy legs. Just ignore it for now. I told Riley to expect us at eight. That gives you about an hour to get ready. And it's a casual place, so don't worry about dressing up."

"Ignore it…" I repeated incredulously, then sighed and started toward the bathroom. "I think you left some jeans here last time. They'd be in my closet if you want them. I'm not sure about a shirt though…"

"Sam probably left some over here. Can I go into Emily's room?" He asked.

"She won't care," I said. "She's so caught up in him, she doesn't know which way is up or down."

"Now aren't you glad we can keep our heads?" He teased, walking out of my bedroom. Since he'd just finished using the shower, it didn't take long for the water to rise to a comfortable temperature. I hurried through my usual routine, my eagerness for a cup of coffee my motivation. I really was hungry, but a large mug should be enough to wake me up and tide me over until dinner.

Rummaging through my closet, I picked out a pair of my favorite jeans, slid on my brown boots and found the new silk tank top and matching green jacket I'd bought recently. All that was left to do was brush my hair and apply make-up. I didn't much feel like dealing with full make=up, but I did swipe some lip gloss over my lips and applied some mascara.

"Found anything yet?" I questioned Jacob from the hallway as I left my room and began to walk to the kitchen.

"Nope. I think they're in her drawers, but I'm too afraid of what I might see if I open the wrong one." He replied, referring to Emily's intimidating chest of drawers.

"Just avoid the two top drawers and the bottom left one! You'll be fine!" I laughed, pulling out the coffee maker and getting to work grinding the coffee beans and getting out two mugs. "I'm making us some coffee!"

All of a sudden, one of the phones laying on the foyer table rang. I could hear Jacob's ringtone.

"Jake! Your phone's ringing!" I yelled, turning on the coffee maker.

"Answer it for me!" He yelled, the frantic opening and closing of drawers sounding loud and clear. With a shrug, I walked over to it and pressed the 'call' button, not even checking the Caller ID.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jacob? Jacob? Is that you?" A voice rang out. I froze.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

It was his mother.

"Mrs. Black? Hi. How are you?" I asked nervously, hearing the coffee maker spew out the delicious caffeine.

"Oh Leah, darling! I'm doing fine. I wasn't expecting you to answer the phone." She said suspiciously, making me choke. "Where is Jacob? Is he okay?"

"He's okay… Um… We were just working on a case and he went to the bathroom?" I said, hating the way I automatically added the question to the end of that sentence. "Yeah. Yeah, that's why I answered the phone."

"Is something else going on?" She asked, still not convinced. "Isn't it your day off?"

"Nope!" I said, my voice a bit too high. I cleared my throat. "No. Of course not. I mean, it is our day off, but I thought we'd catch up on a case."

Which was a complete lie considering we had finished that case a long time ago. But I couldn't exactly blurt out to the woman that I was boinking her son on a daily and nightly basis could I? Especially considering the last time she saw me, I was ripping him a new one for something (I can't even remember what) he was doing at her last birthday party.

Besides, I knew he and his mother hadn't talked much while she was at some luxury clinic in Sweden recovering from her latest face-lift. I couldn't exactly be angry that she didn't know about us considering my parents didn't know either.

"What's going on?" He asked from behind me.

"Oh. There he is, Mrs. Black. I'll give the phone to him now!" At the exact moment I shoved the phone into his hands, the coffee maker beeped insistently and I ran out of the foyer like the fires of Hell were nipping at my heels.

"Hi Mom." I heard him greet her as I poured myself some coffee, prepping myself to broach the subject before he got off the phone.

That moment came much too quickly.

"That was my mom." He said, walking into the kitchen and getting some coffee. "She's conscripted me to go to lunch with her so she can show me and her face-lift off to her snooty friends." He glanced at my face. "What was that about? My mom was so worried. She likes you, you know?"

"I like her too," I really did. She's the coolest old women I'd ever met. "But it's a good thing we're on the subject of parents, because I've got something to ask you."

"What?" He asked, finishing his coffee and depositing both our mugs in the sink. "You're not going to ask me to be your date to some wedding are you?" He chuckled.

"Oh no. Nothing like that!" I hastened to tell him. "But my mom did invite us to the annual Clearwater family reunion at our house in the Hamptons. Believe me, I wouldn't subject you to any of my family's company for more than five minutes, but I'd really appreciate it if you could come and offer some support."

"Yeah. I'll come." He said. "Was that what you were so worried about?"

"Jacob. You think _your _family is bonkers? Mine is that times a billion." I explained. "I love them, don't get me wrong, but they've ran off every boyfriend I've had since middle school."

"I'm made of tougher skin than that, Leah." He said, offering me an encouraging smile and taking my hand. "When do we leave?"

"It's in two weeks." I replied glancing at the calendar behind his head. "Early June."

"Then I'll already be there," he laughed. "Mom is going because it's supposed to be the height of the social season or something. Dad and I already have to be there and I'm making Emmett come with me."

"Which means Rose won't be far behind…" I muttered. "If you two hate it that much, why don't you and your dad just refuse to go?" I asked as I opened the front door.

"Because it's easier to do what my mother says than to try to argue with her. Believe me." He said and I laughed. "Now come on Leah. Let's go to dinner. I'm starved."

"Love you too." I giggled as we shut the door.

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**Hopefully, I'll be done with the next chapter of A Happy Birthday Indeed (the steamy lemon scene) by Sunday. Saturday if I'm lucky. And I'm completely and utterly stuck on my other stories, so if you have any ideas, you know how to contact me. Any help is much appreciated!**


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